Lover, leaver

Nineteen.

*4 weeks later. *
"Don't you dare" I laugh.
"Oh I'm doing it " sam creeps toward me.
"No, please- I'll pee" I laugh harder.
"tickle tornado- ahahah" he laughs tickling my sides.
"Sammy, no, please" I say with tears coming out of my eyes from laughing so hard.
"Okay okay, I'll stop." He says laying down beside me in the bed.
"I have an appointment today. I invited your mom and molly to come with me today." I say.
"I'm not invited?" Sam asks.
"Nope, we are twenty weeks today. Meaning-" I get cut off
"We find out the gender today." Sam finishes.
"yes sir. I wanted to do a gender reveal- SO, you aren't coming." I say sternly.
"Ugh, fine." he says standing up. "I guess I will wait"
I smile, kiss Sam on the forehead and get up to get dressed.
"I still love you Sammy." I say walking over to the closet.
"I know. I'm just excited." He sinks down into the bed.
I decided to wear a blue and white striped shirt and a grey cardigan.
"You know, you look more beautiful every day." Sam says standing behind me in the mirror.
"Thank you Sammy." I lean my head on his chest swaying back and forth.

I walk to the kitchen to look for molly. then to the guest room. I see her struggling with the zipper on her shoes.
"Here. Let me fix it." I kneel down and fix the zipper making her ready for my appointment.
"You are destined to be a mom." She says.
"I try."
we headed to my appointment. Karen said she would meet us there. I don't know what came over me but the closer we got, the more nervous I was.
"James-" I hear the nurse call.
"It will be okay." Karen squeezes my hand. I nod and stand up, followed by both Karen kiszka and molly.
I take a deep breath as the doctor applies cool gel to the lower part of my stomach.
"Do you want to know the gender today?" she asks.
"Actually, do you think that you could write it on a piece  of paper and hand it to her" I say motioning toward molly.
"You want me to know. And no one else" she asks
"Of course. I trust you. Karen can help you with the reveal." I say.
"Absolutely sweetness." Karen replies.
"Don't look until we get home." I say.
"Fine." molly sighs
*later that night*
"soooo-" Sam
"I'm not telling you- I don't even know" I say sitting on our couch.
"No no, that's not. I have a gift for you." Sam says taking a small box out of the closet. "I've been working on this, I hope you like it."
"Sam. You made this, for me?" I ask with tears filling my eyes.
"With the help of Danny and aunt Lori." He says.
I pull out the small scrap book. As I flip through the pages there are photos of every adventure we've gone on together. this whole time, I've thought that I never had photos of myself because I was so busy taking them of everyone else. But, Sam has taken photos of me, then I did for everyone else. even when we hated each other. he never fails to amaze me.
"Thank you Sammy. I love this so much" I say cupping his fave in my hands.
"I love you, I just didn't want you to feel like you weren't apart of the memories we've made because you were behind the camera. So I made sure everyone knows that you were there too." He says placing his head on my shoulder.
I let out a loud yawn.
"Ready for bed?" Sam sits back on the couch,
"Yes. But I need to do the dishes first." I say.
"I'll help you, I'm putting music on though." Sam says.
"Fine, that's fair." I say walking to the kitchen. As I start doing the dishes, my back starts to hurt- it's a regular occurrence at this point. I put my hands on the sink and step back to stretch.
"Here, let me help." Sam says standing me up. he takes his hands standing behind me, places them on my lower stomach and lifts my stomach up slowly. relieving so much pressure.
"how did you know that helps?" I ask.
"my momma." He says.
"Thank god for her" I sigh.
we stood silently in this position, swaying, as Sam sings softly:
"I think I like when it rains"
This was one of only two times I'd ever heard sam with a calm heart beat. the first time was after Sam got into a fight.. over me.
*flashback*
"Danny, where did Sam go?" I ask
"I think he was talking to Luke-" he replies
"He doesn't like Luke, why would he-" I turn around.
"Don't you ever call her that again." Sam screams with his fist raised. Danny holds me back so I don't get hurt. All I see is his orange backpack and his fist go down onto Luke's face as I watch from behind Danny's shoulder. I had never seen sam so violent.  Was it because of me?
I break free from Danny's grasp, running to sam. Grabbing his neck and bringing him to the ground, assessing each mark.
"Sam, what were you thinking, you are bleeding" I say using my hoodie to soak up the blood from his forehead.
"he called you something that I didn't like. it was disrespectful to you. I promised I would never let anyone do that to you again." Sam said looking up at me. I move his hair and kiss his cheek. hugging him to feel his heart beat. going from fast. To simply steady.
*end flashback*