Ikigai {生きがい} || Poetry

01. Our Winter Days

Stolen February days,
we went for walks together,

in the biting cold, icy winds
we laughed, we talked;
we kept each other warm.

Were you happy?

It's December now,
we're approaching the same
winter nights, so tell me,

will you come back?

Thrown back in the corner
you picked me up from,

I wonder if it was just me
who was chasing for what we had.

I remember the first time it happened,
you picked her over me

and I sat there, bit heartbroken.

Bit heartbroken, but not upset,
I'm quite used to being a second choice.

But, over the months, I realised

that I was nothing but a replacement;
an option, not even a choice.

I never told you, did I?
I hid my desperation, and you never unveiled.

When there was no one around,
you'd return to the swing you once abandoned

but it broke under your weight,
so you went away.

Why didn't you repair that swing?
I know, because, you never loved it that much.

You'd never know, but I repaired it.

I'm waiting for you.

I remember, you'd look
at me with fond eyes,

you had me wrapped around
your finger, not your heart

so when she was there, it was easy
to unravel and throw me away.

My feelings; you left them untouched,
and I swallowed them bitterly with tears.

You never noticed?
Well, I'm not even surprised anymore.

━━━━━━━ 🌙 ━━━━━━━

Personal Notes :-
I remember clearly, when I first wrote this poem, the last line was actually-

"I thought you might have."

But when I read it again after a couple of months, regaining my balance after so many broken hearts, I changed the line to what it is now.
And, when I read this note again, I realised that the reason I was able to change the line was because I had grown stronger.

It sounds like a selfish line, I know, as if I don't care what anyone does anymore, but secretly, I still do, I still care and I don't hesitate to show it, but when people pull off shit again, I just sigh, and accept it saying, welp, that's how people function! and move on.

And honestly? I couldn't be any more proud of myself.

Alright, people, thank you for listening!
Take care.

Love, Hacs.