Irrelevant (Bungo Stray Dogs x Gn!reader)

Never to be forgotten

Warning(s): Abuse, self harm, injuries, bombs and death (?)

The explosion was something that I haven't seen before. As soon as I heard Yosano's yell the world began to slow down as a powerful bomb went off. It was bright and would've been almost beautiful if it wasn't something that killed people. I knew Yosano would make it through, easily so actually. The explosion was powerful enough for that. I, in the other hand, would only be severely injured, not severely enough for her ability to affect me in any way. I stood still just looking how the bomb went off but soon felt my back hitting the floor before the bomb pushed me down. 

I stared at Evelyn lying on top of me covering me with her body as best as possible. 

...

We walked towards the agency. I walked my head down, Evelyn had died once again. First time for the month and the hundredth time all together yet it still hurt. I only had few bruises on my back and some cuts on my arms due to the flying metal pieces. Funny enough this wasn't the last encounter with a port mafia member for the day since Kyoko was at the agency. She was interrogated but didn't seem to have any external injuries, which I was glad of. Demon snow was just as uncontrollable as ever but it also wanted the best for Kyoka at all times but she didn't know how to command it. 

"Come, Y/n, I'll check those bruises and patch up the wounds", Yosano called. I followed her to the infirmary and took off my torn jacket to reveal only a t-shirt under it. You could clearly see red wounds that were threating to spill out blood at any given moment. There were five small ones and three bigger and deeper ones. Alongside them there were small scars of burns. There were tens of those burns that had been in place for over a decade now. Yosano looked at me while inspecting my arm to find a reaction to something. I guess she wondered about the old scars, I would too. "What happened here?" she asked. 

I didn't know why the scars were still visible. Maybe because I would scratch them during nights. Maybe because I would curiously feel fire over them. Maybe because I hated them so much that I almost ripped my skin off. Maybe those were the reasons. "They are cigarette burns. When I was bad, dad would remind me to be good", I told. No expression, only a cold, empty look that stared to the distance. 

Yosano didn't have words. She took a hold of both of my hands, "You're a very good kid, you know that, right?"

I always knew that the detective agency was full of good people. I didn't completely understand why Mori was so obsessed with them. The port mafia brought me some comfort, I was surrounded with brutal people with honest and straightforward feelings. I was allowed to be angry and I was so angry. The old boss exploited everyone and I didn't feel anything. Mori exploited everyone and still, I didn't feel it. Neither of them ever put their hands on me. They never hurt me. Anyone else would mourn of their lost years but I never did. I was surrounded with people who had hobbies and their own lives. I was surrounded by so many different kind of people it was easy since there was no right way to fit in. I was safe. And maybe that was the reason I still worked with them. 

"I've hurt many people, Yosano-san. I'm not as good as you think". I could've and should've just accepted the compliment, maybe then she'd only inspect the wounds and take the excess metal pieces out, if there were any, and then let me go.

"If you're trying to change, it proves that you're at least better than you'd think". I wasn't changing. I didn't want to change. She let go of my hands as I stayed quiet. Yosano didn't speak after that and just treated my wounds. I rather it happened that way.

I was sitting in the office looking around, I was basically useless at the moment. My mobility wasn't very good due to the injuries and Evelyn wasn't here. I could summon her in about an hour. I knew Kyoko was here and I was tempted to go and see her just to make sure everything was alright. Though, I doubted she wanted to see me. I dreaded the moment I would see Dazai and wanted to spear Kyoko from the same fear of seeing me once again. I had a quick glance of her as I came to the infirmary just after she had left. Kyoko left with Atsushi which concerned me a bit, but I was glad it was him over some other people. Kunikida had joined me in the office some time back yet it was just as boring since he focused on work.

...

I summoned Evelyn as soon as I got the chance to. By this time the agency had received a request that I wasn't involved in, though, they would've used another pair of hands well. "Where are Atsushi and Kyoka?" I asked looking around. To my knowledge Atsushi was supposed to be part of this mission. 

"Atsushi-kun is-"

"Atsushi-kun has gone missing!" Tanizaki informed. 

I guessed that the port mafia would go after Kyoka to get her back and if Atsushi was with her; they would take him with her. Of course, if it was Akutagawa, well, I wouldn't guarantee that Atsushi was still alive. What I had heard from the port mafia was that Dazai had angered Akutagawa. 

This was not going to end well.