Casters Book Two: Shadow Caster

Chapter Forty Two

What can I say, I have trust issues. I have to get to the truth, it's both a weakness and a strength of mine. I don't ever stop until I have the full picture. Something Vega hates. But the truth, as I have been told, is my specialty.

"I'm surprised you actually texted me, I kind of thought you secretly hated me," Aster says as we go for a walk around campus.

I should be resting and waiting for Vega to come back, but I'm restless.

I have this feeling in my gut, that uneasy feeling that tells me I can't drop this. That it's probably important. The feeling that has all those little warning bells and red flags going off in my head. Unless I do something about it, that feeling won't go away.

"I don't hate you, I just get jealous pretty easily," I admit.

She chuckles.

"I'm surprised Vega actually told you about me. She's never been good at opening up about that sort of thing."

"So she was like that with you too?"

"Oh yeah," she laughs. "If you want info out of her, you have to pry it out. She's the opposite of an open book. Try a locked journal hidden in a secret box on a top-shelf."

I sigh.

"Having trouble?" she asks.

"Okay, just tell me if this is out of line, but I kind of want your perspective on Vega. From you're point of view. I'm just so confused right now."

"How come?"

"Everyone sees her differently. Everyone has something to say about her. Her sister trusts her but also feels the need to compete and compare herself with her. My friends think she's suspicious and clingy. Joni says Vega is a traitor backstabber. Mesmira is so in love with her, she tries to sabotage me to get to Vega. Her own mom had something to say. So I guess, I just... don't know what is what. I trust and love Vega, but everyone says something different. You... you were in my place once, what did you find?" I ask.

"Hmm," she sticks her hands in her pockets and looks ahead. "It's complicated."

"Vega told me about how Mesmira ruined your relationship," I say.

"It's more than what she said I'm sure. Truth is, I was like you. So many people told me to stay away from her, that she was toxic. But I loved her, I couldn't see what they were saying. Even when I found out things about her, stuff she probably didn't want me to know, I still forgave her and followed her. I was behind her all the way... but... she wasn't behind me. We were on two very different pages. When she wasn't with me, she was flirting it up with some other girl. Doing things I would have never thought she'd even want to do. Mesmira did get in our way, but in all honesty, I think it was falling apart way before then."

"Why?"

She sits down on a bench.

I sit next to her.

"I guess I didn't really see Vega's true side until Mesmira kissed her in front of me. Sure Mesmira was just trying to get a rise out of me and get me to break up with Vega, but it was just so much more than that. With that kiss came to light that Vega had been entertaining this girl behind my back the whole time. While Vega was saying she loved me and I was her everything, she was also telling some other girl how pretty she was, how funny... And even after we had that fight, she didn't really try and fight for me. Not like I thought she would. She just kind of told me I was overreacting and being dumb. I felt gutted, stabbed in the back out through the heart. She kept saying it meant nothing, that that girl was nothing to her, she never even apologized for flirting with the girl, to begin with, or told me how they met, or even acknowledged that what she was doing was wrong. She was just upset that she got caught. I wasn't mad at Mesmira, I was mad at Vega because I thought she loved me, I thought she trusted me, but while I was telling her all my secrets and showing her sides of me no one gets to see. She was only feeding me enough to satisfy me, never showing me everything." She finishes.

I feel my stomach knot together.

She just described how I feel perfectly.

Vega only shows me enough to keep me at bay, never shows me everything she has to offer.

"I loved her, with my everything. And she... she didn't love me. And that's what stung most of all. So I say to you if you're asking me about Vega, don't you think you already have your answer?"

"I don't know," I shake my head.

"I think you do."

"She's only ever loved me."

"Did she love you when she was sleeping with Mesmira behind your back? Did she love you when you no doubtedly tried to get some info about her from other sources? Does she really love you, or is she just keeping you at bay, just like she did me?"

I grab my necklace, waiting for it to light up, willing it to give me some reassurance. But none comes.

"But that's just me," she stands suddenly. "I don't want to get in the way of your relationship. If you love her, then good for you. You asked me for my perspective and you got it. Do with it what you want."

"If she came up to you, today, out of nowhere and told you she loved you, what would you do?" I stand up to face her.

"I'd probably slap her, then cry, or cry then slap, the order doesn't matter. Either way, I will never, ever, get back with Vega. Having my heart broken once was good enough for me." she says without hesitation.

I sigh.

"Look," she grabs me by the shoulders and looks into my eyes. "No one is going to be able to tell you what to do. You do what you feel is right. You look Vega in the eyes, and you decide how this is going to go. Just be prepared to deal with anything that comes after that decision. Trust yourself, that's all I can tell you."

I sigh again.

"Good luck Emery," she pats my shoulder before turning and walking off.

"Thank you!" I call after her.

"Let's never talk about this again," she calls back and keeps walking.

She's not so bad.