Hold me tight

1.

1. Nightmares

I was sitting on the floor of my kitchen. It was late night, summer 2022. I had a bottle of vodka in my hand, it was half empty. The world was spinning around me, fast.
Million thoughts, but I didn't catch any of them. I was ready to fall asleep. I was very tired, and the alcohol wasn't helping at all.
I started humming something, I tried to distract myself so I wouldn't fall asleep. I didn't want to wake up tomorrow, I know I would have terrible hangover.
And I knew that I would see nightmares again.
They're scary, and there is no escape from them.
What happens usually in them is that some man is chasing me. And I'm running away from him, or trying to. But it's not helping. He's faster, and then he grabs me. He places his hand on my mouth so I wouldn't scream. His grip gets tighter and tighter, until I can't breathe anymore.
It feels like my lungs are going to explode.
Then I wake up, sweaty and scared. For a moment it feels like it was real.
Then I'm not falling asleep again.

I heard my phone ringing somewhere in my apartment. For a second I had to focus on this world again. Slowly I started to stood up, I placed the vodka bottle on the floor. I took support from the fridge, and now I was standing. I felt so dizzy, and I closed my eyes for a moment.
Then I trusted enough to my feet so I took first two steps slowly. But I am who I am, I have so bad luck with everything, accidentally my leg touched the bottle that was on the floor. It fell off, and all that alcohol was happily running on my floor.
"Fuck..." I mumbled and looked at it sadly.
My phone stopped ringing, but still I decided to find it somewhere.

But it started to ring again, and I walked to my living room, stumbling.
It was on the couch, so I sat on there with such a force, like I fell there. And I took the black phone to my hand. I blinked couple times, like it would help with reading who was calling me.
It was my friend. We met some months ago.. or she found me in the street, drunk and everything.
She helped me to get home and stayed for the night to make sure that I will be okay.
We came along pretty well, I was suprised how caring she was even though we were strangers.
Since that we have seen each other often. She calls or texts me few times a week, to make sure that I'm fine.
Or to make sure that I'm alive.

I answered to her, and I heard her friendly voice on the other side.
"Saga, hey. I just wanted to ask that do you want to meet tomorrow? It has been couple weeks. Cafe maybe?"
I rubbed my eyes and listened very carefully her every word. While drunk nothing makes sense.

"Uhm.. yeah that would be nice I guess..." I mumbled something, I don't even know did I know myself what I just said. I could almost see her face right now.
"Are you drunk? In the middle of the week?" She asked worried.
I chuckled quietly, don't know why but my brain wanted to do it. I heard her sighing.

"Can you go to sleep, please? Should I come to help you?" She then suggested, but I tried to mumble an answer that she don't have to.

"Stay there with your man.. I'll go to sleep don't worry.. good night..." I mumbled, and I was ready to end the call, but she was fast enough to talk again. So I decided to listen her.

"Well I come tomorrow morning anyway. Sleep good." She then said, and it made me sigh.
I didn't want anyone to help me like this.. she has helped me a lot with everything. She has her own life, friends and happy relationship, I want her to focus on that. I don't want her to take care of someone like me.
I don't deserve any help. It's my fault that I am like this.
We ended the call, and I looked around. My eyes were closing slowly, my body felt too heavy right now to stand up and walk to my own bed.
I tried to stay awake.
But I failed.

I woke up when I fell onto the floor. Groaning I opened my eyes, and looked around. I had to take a minute, trying to remember what the heck happened last night. And why I was sleeping on my couch, and now I layed down on the floor.
I rubbed my face and sat up. Then it hit me, a huge pain in my head.
Also the sun was shining straight to my face, I groaned again.
"Fucking sun.. why need to be so happy and shiny right now?" I mumbled pissed while I stood up. I looked to the wall where the clock is, it was almost eleven.
Then the doorbell rang. And that noise was too much to my poor head, I closed my eyes like it would help with the pain.
I took slow steps to the front door, and I opened it.
"You had to ring the doorbell then..?" I complained with my raspy voice to my brown haired friend.
She showed me an apologized face.
"Sorry..." She said while coming in and closing the door behind her.
I walked to the kitchen and I started to search my painkillers.
I also stepped on something wet. I looked down on my feet, and I sighed.
"Fuck this." I complained and stepped away from it.