Hold me tight

24.

  24. White butterfly

I stared my reflection throught the big mirror in front of me, at my room. I wore my black halter dress with a chain belt, I also put on my dark red dr.martens shoes. I let my hair be open, I only put a bit of mascara and eyeliner, but that's it. I finally liked the way I looked, but now I was just nervous to show myself to others. The clock was ticking, it was time to go. Joonas was waiting outside of the room, he was leaning against it, I knew it.
"Come on Saga, we have to go if you want to be on time." He said for the tenth time.
I let out a long sigh of frustration, he clearly heard it.
It was silent first, but he asked something again.
"Can I come in?"

I felt nervous and anxious, I wanted to throw up. I just mumbled something as yes. I saw with my side-eye how the door got slowly open, Joonas coming in.
I turned my head to look at him, and he looked at me, like there was something worth looking at.
He took slow steps towards me, I only turned my head to look myself from the mirror again. I played with my fingers nervously.
He had a black and white shirt on, black skinny jeans and white dr.martens. His hair looked so soft, as it is.
"You're.. gorgerous..." He said admiringly.
He stood near me at my back, staring into my eyes through the mirror as well. I blushed.
"As you always are." He ended the sentence smiling, I smiled too. But that smile faded away soon from my face, it made him worried.

"Are you nervous? Feeling anxious..?" He asked right away, I looked at my hands and nodded.
It was too hard for me to talk, I felt too much of what he just said. Anxiety. He saw it, he knew it.

"Can I.. touch you?" He asked gently, I looked at him again. He really did ask a permission for that..?
How.. good is he.
I nodded. He stood very close to me, I felt his upper body in my back. He placed his hands on my shoulders and he also let his head lean against mine.
Only his touch made me feel.. special. Like.. somebody really wants to do that. Wants to touch me. Wants to take care of me. Wants to feel me.
First he didn't say anything, we only had that eye contact. His breath close to my face was calming me down.
And slowly his hands started to fall down, all the way to my waist. He hold them there.
I placed my hands on top of his, I saw he liked when I touched him back. I liked it too.

"Saga. You have nothing to worry about. I'm there for you for the whole time, I don't leave you alone. And if you want to, we can leave earlier. Eevi is there, your best friend. Olli and Joel are your friends too. And I'm your.. well.. personal cuddle bear." He smiled at the end of the sentence, it made me smile too.
It was hard for me to open my mouth, but I did it.
"Anxiety.. it's powerful sometimes.. can't talk and..." I tried to explain, but he nodded. He understood.
We stood there another minute in silence, enjoying this moment. But as he told me earlier, we're going to be late.
"Let's go, shall we?" He whispered, I nodded.

We stood in front of the restaurant, it looked expensive. I swallowed, how am I going to pay it all..?
Bt without worrying it too much, we walked in. But of course Joonas opened the front door for me, I smiled as I walked past him.
The waiter guided us to the right table where Eevi and Olli already were sitting next to each other.
They both started smiling as they saw us. Eevi stood up immediately and came to hug me.
"Are you guys..?" I whispered quietly into her ear as Joonas and Olli hugged each other quickly.
"We're fine." She said back and I was relieved.
Joonas showed his hand as a sign for me to sat first, we were on a big booth. So I did, and he sat next to me, making also a spot for Joel to sit.

"Where's Joel? I thought we were late." Joonas chuckled, Olli did too.
"Don't know man, maybe he forgot." Olli shook his head while taking the menu into his hands.
The waiter came to us with a bottle of white wine, pouring it into our glasses. We thanked her as she started to walk away.
"We'll took another glass too, we're waiting for a friend." Eevi smiled to the waitress, who only nodded as she went away.