Hold me tight

17.

17. Don't be scared

I was waiting at outside for Joonas, last day he texted me that he will pick me up at 7pm, and apparently we are going swimming. I was feeling nervous as hell, I was scared to show my body.
Eevi told me many times that it will go well, and that I look perfect. Don't know about that.
It was a sunny and warm night, few people walked past me while I just kept staring at both of the directions. I looked at my phone's clock, it was excatly seven right now. And then I saw a car coming, and it drove aside. It was Joonas.
I took a deep breath and walked to the car, I opened the passenger seat's door and hopped in.

"Evening." Joonas smirked with his sunglasses on, I couldn't help but smile to him. He looked handsome, again.
"Where are we going?" I questioned while he started to drive again, he licked his lips.
I stared at his hands that were on the steering wheel, without even noticing it.
"To a small beach, there's not much people I think." He explained.

We had been driving for a while, I was getting curious that where he's taking us. We weren't talking, but it wasn't awkward, the silence I mean.
Quietly the radio was on, on a rock channel.

"How's your day has been?" He suddenly asked while turning to left. I let out a short chuckle and looked at my hands quickly. I lifted my gaze up and slowly looked at him, he gave me a questioning look.
I opened my mouth then.
"What you think I have been doing?" I asked back.
I don't know what I was waiting for as an answer from him, because after all he doesn't know about my life that much. He just looked forward and he actually looked like that he was thinking.
"You were at work..?" He shook his shoulders while stopping behind the red lights. I grinned, but it was a sarcastic grin.

"I don't work. My depression is too bad for that." I scratched the back of my neck nervously. I saw with my side-eye that he was looking at me, it made me scared that what he will think. And what he will say.

"I understand." He nodded, I turned my eyes on him and gave him a confused look. Then the lights turned green and it was our time to go again.
I didn't really know what to say, how to react.
Many, many words spinned around in my head. Many lines that I wanted to say, to ask, but they all sounded weird. What if I just stay silent? No, it seems weird. I opened my mouth, but closed it faster.

"Why..?" I asked, the uncertainty was clearly heard from my voice. He just frowned, but smiled too. Quickly he looked at me, I couldn't see his eyes behind those big sunglasses.
"Because I understand. That's no big deal, you have to take care of yourself first." His voice was calm and he sounded like he was serious. 
I looked outside from my side's window, and a quiet but long sigh left from my mouth.
His words made me feel better, one thing has been revealed again about me.
The last minutes we had before we arrived to the parking lot were silent. Joonas turned off the car after he parked it. There was like one car besides us.

We had to walk a small path to the beach, I walked behind him. Then a small but still good looking beach was in front of us. I stood next to Joonas as we both looked around, there was a couple further away from us and they were laying on a blanket. Probably they had a date, it looked like it because they had champagne and all.
"Let's go there." Joonas pointed to the another direction. It's always annoying to walk in a sand with shoes on, so I just decided to take them away, also the socks. Joonas continued his way walking backwards and watching me smiling as I took them off.
The sand under my toes felt amazing and soft. For a second I just stood there, watching my feet and feeling the warm sand.

Joonas took a blanket with us, he placed it on top of the sand and sat there, taking also his shoes off.
"I have something for us..." Joonas said with a smirk on his face as I sat down and he started to dig the backbag he had with him. I frowned.
He took a bottle of champagne and two glasses, I let out a short chuckle.
The sky was filled with the colors of orange and pink, it was beautiful and warm night. Joonas opened the bottle without any problem, he surely has done that many times before. I took the another glass as he filled them both.
"To us. And to.. life." He said smiling, and then our glasses gently touched each other, making a light sound. For the whole time we had an eye contact, but I had to look away for some point as we took small sips of the drinks.
This probably looked like a date, but it wasn't.
Just two friends drinking champagne at the beach.