Hold me tight

19.

                19. Ready to hear the truth

I stared my reflection through the mirror, I was leaning against the sink with my hands. The world spinned around me, thanks to alcohol. What the woman said just couple of minutes ago, that one of her earrings is in Joonas' apartment.. Joonas told me they're just friends. Why's her earring in there? And why she came here now, in the middle of the night to a bar that's rented just to us. To celebrate my birthday. How did she know we're here?
Honestly I don't care. Or I do, but I don't want to.

I felt so much anger inside me, like every piece of me was on fire. I squeezed the white sink with my hands, it hurted and it made no sense. But I had to control my anger somehow, maybe this would help?
Someone opened the door and walked in, I stared the blonde man through the mirror. He just stood there, looking like he's lost. The door got closed after him, he only took two steps forward, he didn't dare to come any closer. He scratched his neck nervously.
"I-" He started, but too late. I had to speak out my thoughts now.
"You lied."
He frowned a little bit, I didn't even blink.

"I didn't. As I have said, I never lie." He only responded, taking one step forward.
This feels like that he's trying to calm down a wild wolf. A wolf that is angry, frustrated and also scared.
He tries to speak with low and calm tone, taking slow and small steps closer and closer. But the wolf backs up a little bit, and he also stops.
He tries to speak sweet words again and again, then the wolf's gaze is more relaxed.
And eventually he gets to touch it, and tell to the wolf that he won't hurt. But sooner or later, the wolf's trust is broken again to him, because he lied.
And when again he tries to calm the wolf down, it doesn't let him get closer anymore.
And the wolf runs away, doesn't look back, doesn't stop. And that wolf will never trust on anyone again.

"Who's that woman, tell me honestly." I said serious and mad. He shook his head like he was the one who's frustrated.
"A friend." He responded, I bit my teeth together.

"Don't fucking talk shit!" I shouted angrily, closing my eyes for a moment, I opened them soon and they met his again. He looked suprised that my reaction was like that.
Then the door flied open again and someone came in, it was Tommi this time. He looked confused, he was probably listening this conversation behind the door. He spread his hands open, looking at us while he stood close to us both. I just wanted to be alone.

"Whatever is going on, both of you need to calm down now. We're all drunk and this is not a good time to argue about anything." Tommi said wisely with his low tone, crossing his arms against his chest.
I turned around, but still let my hands be on the sink, I needed some support that I wouldn't fell or anything. Joonas wasn't even looking at me anymore, he stared the floor.
We were silent then. We only heard the music that played on the other side of the door.
Tommi let out a long and deep sigh. I turned my gaze on him, he stared at Joonas.
"Whatever the truth is, tell her." Tommi let out, I swallowed.
Joonas lifted his gaze up and immediately looked at me. I think I looked more relaxed, and I tried to communicate with my gaze that he should be honest.
I was so ready to cry, to yell or let out a sigh of relief.
But.. I was scared to do any of them. I would feel bad if he was telling the truth all the time and I was shouting at him for nothing. And if he was lying, I would either cry or yell.
Why?
I would cry because I would be mad at myself, that I let the inner me trust on him.
And I would yell to him for being a liar and an idiot.
I was ready to hear the truth.

Joonas looked at Tommi then, like he was trying to get help from him. But Tommi's face told it all, he wasn't going to let him out of this situation.
But I would be ready to escape if I had the chance.

"That night me and Margaret we're so drunk.. but I swear to god that we only kissed and that's it. She slept on the couch and left the next morning." It was hard for Joonas to speak. I felt the sharp feeling again in my heart.
But Tommi wasn't going to give up.