Confide in Me

Chapter 11

Her mind hadn't shut up for days. The only time it did was when Maddie had hugged her, which maybe should've been a sign of some sort. Derek had started giving her concerned looks, and she knew she wasn't totally with it, but the panic that had settled in her was becoming far too overwhelming.

Maybe time alone would help. Hide away in her apartment for a few days or schedule a few seminars at various hospitals across the states so she didn't have time to think. No, she couldn't do that. She didn't want to run, exactly. But she didn't want to stay put either. She couldn't even manifest her thoughts as words to be able to explain what was going on in her brain.

She could be sensible, book in an extra appointment with her therapist.

She made it home after a day of teaching labs for residents at the hospital, a hobby she'd picked up, an excuse to stick around Seattle a bit more without raising too many eyebrows. In a daze, she found her way through her apartment, stripping off her clothes and not even bothering to turn on any lights. She curled up under her covers, in the middle of the bed.

She didn't know what to do. She didn't know how to handle this, other than to just check out and go to sleep until it passed. If it passed. Her heart was hurting, and she kept fighting back tears. Maybe she just needed to cry, to let it all out.

Her phone was ringing but she couldn't even bring herself to get up and answer it. She couldn't move. She didn't want to move.

She wasn't sure how much time had passed, but she still hadn't fallen asleep, and someone was pressing the buzzer for her apartment. Maybe if she ignored it, they'd go away.

It stopped after a few moments, and she hoped her wish had come true. Only, what could have been five minutes later, there was a loud knocking on her apartment door.

Whoever it was wasn't about to leave her alone anytime soon. She'd have to deal with it.

She groaned as she climbed out of the bed, squinting just enough in the darkness of her room to grab her robe. Her foot caught something, probably a shoe from earlier, and she swore to herself as she finally reached the front door and swung it open.

"What?!" Her voice snapped more than she intended it to.

Stood there was Cristina, hand on hip and a bottle of tequila in hand.

"What the hell is going on with you, Mer?" Her friend pushed her way through, and Meredith's threw her arm over her face as she was blinded by lights being switched on.

"Nothing, I'm fine, I'm just tired," she grumbled. "What are you doing here?"

Meredith wrapped her arms around herself as she followed Cristina into the living room, throwing herself down onto the couch and curling up in a ball. Cristina sat opposite her, legs crossed as she opened up the bottle of tequila.

"Talk to me."

"About what?" Meredith muttered, staring at a spot on the carpet.

"About whatever has you in this funk. About why you won't answer anyone's calls and keep avoiding social interaction."

"I'm fine," she said between gritted teeth, wishing Cristina would just leave. "You can go report back and tell everyone I'm perfectly fine."

"I may be many things, but I am not a liar," Cristina scoffed, taking a swig of tequila. "I'm pretty sure if I leave, you're either about to hdie in your bed for a week or run away until whatever is going on passes. If it passes."

"Cris, I can't..." she trailed off, biting her lip and staring off at the wall. Blinking back more tears. Her voice was barely a whisper. "I don't know."