Confide in Me

Chapter 19

Today was the day that Meredith would set in motion the plan to change everything.

After restless nights in hotel rooms, and torturous flights, she knew what she had to do. For her, for Maddie, for Derek. For their family. She knew even if she didn't change this aspect of her career, it wouldn't be the worst thing in their world. It wasn't something that would make or break them as a family, but Meredith had changed. Over the past year since she'd met Derek, met Maddie, become a mother again, she had changed.

Meredith wanted to stay in Seattle. Full time. And not just Seattle – that wasn't the selling point. She wanted to be wherever her family was. Wherever Derek and Maddie settled, that's where she would be. But she didn't want to give any false hope.

That's why she was meeting with her mother today.

The conference room was empty around her. The sky outside was miserable, grey clouds dimming the atmosphere of the room. She sat at the top of the table, pen tapping against the wooden surface. She hated waiting. And the stomach cramps that had started that morning didn't help.

Her plan was to ask for an attending position. That's all she wanted. She could take consults from patients who came to her, she might even consider travelling the odd few times a year to see them if needs be. But she needed the permanent position. One thing was for sure – she had to keep working. She couldn't just give up everything.

"I'm here," her mother said, bursting into the room. Meredith jumped slightly. "Just got caught up in a meeting with the board. I'm glad you asked to meet, I needed to talk with you anyway."

"Okay, but we'll have to keep this quick," Meredith said and glanced at her watch. "I need to leave to pick Maddie up in half an hour."

"That's fine, it shouldn't take long," her mother nodded and pulled out a seat beside Meredith. "Details can be ironed out another time. What did you want to meet with me about?"

"I need a permanent position. Just an attending position, nothing fancy, or a teaching position if there's nowhere in the budget for an attending. I'll do both, whatever you need," Meredith said before she could overthink her words. "Recent events have made me realise that I need to be here. I can't be off travelling every day of the week."

"I thought this might be coming. Are you sure though? Is this definitely what you want?" Ellis asked, writing down a few notes in her pad.

"I'm sure," Meredith nodded. "I... Maddie is my daughter. I'm her mother, and I'm not going to abandon her. I need to be there when she needs me, and not just over the phone. I don't want to miss anything – I don't want to take this second chance for granted."

"Okay then, that leads right into what I wanted to discuss with you."

"It does?" Meredith asked, an eyebrow raised at her mother.

"Meredith, I want to take a step back from the hospital. Richard and I are getting older, and I want to be able to put more time and effort into the foundation without the added stress of this place," Ellis announced.

Meredith's eyes widened. "That's something that would have to be seen to be believed."

"Well, start believing. I was worried about asking you this question, but after what you've said to me today, I think there's more a chance of you accepting it this time," she started. Meredith found herself holding her breath. "Meredith, I want you to take my place as Chief. You've done it on numerous occasions to cover for me, and managed to do better than just not allowing the place to burn to the ground. You know you can do the job."

"I know I can do the job, but I don't want to be chief. I just want to work," Meredith frowned. "Surely there's somebody else better suited to the job?"

"There was someone else we had discussed..." Ellis said. "But if you really don't want it, then we can work something out. And don't worry about having a job here. We'll make a spot for you. When do you want to start?"

"I'm not sure. I'll need to give notice to my regular contacts, and I want to talk with Derek about it first. Maybe in a few months? I just wanted to give you a heads up," she shrugged.

"That gives us time to find someone to fill my position, then. I'll be keeping you in the loop about it. I have someone in mind but I need to speak with Richard first," Ellis said. "Was there anything else? I know you need to get going."

"Oh, I've been convinced into a family meal for my birthday, did Richard tell you?" Meredith asked.

"He did mention it. I hope you're bringing Derek and Maddie with you? I haven't seen her since she was discharged. How is she doing?"

"You wouldn't have even thought she'd been sick," Meredith laughed. "They'll both be coming with me."

"I guess I'll see you on Saturday then," Ellis said, smiling at her daughter. "I'm surprised to find myself saying it, but family life suits you. I'm glad you've decided to settle down."

"I'm glad I have to," Meredith said, standing up with heat in her cheeks. She gathered her things and headed out the door. "See you Saturday!"

****

"Bad news."

Meredith wanted to smile at the sight of her boyfriend walking through the door later that night, but the tone of the two words had her holding back.

"What's wrong?"

"I need to be at a conference on Thursday, and won't be able to get back until Saturday morning. I thought I was getting out of it by sending Dr Stoke, but he's had a family emergency and can't go, and I can't send anyone else with it being too short notice," Derek's hand dragged down his face and he sat beside Meredith on the couch.

Maddie had her head on Meredith's lap and had fallen asleep shortly after they'd had dinner. Meredith was still twisting soft curls of hair around her fingers. "Why is that bad news?"

"Because it's your birthday on Saturday, unless you'd forgotten again," he said, and pressed kiss to Meredith's temple. "And I guess, it leaves you alone with Maddie for a couple days, but if that's too much, I can see if my parents can take her."

"Derek, I get it if you don't want me to be alone with Madde for that long," Meredith frowned slightly. "I thought..." Her words trailed off into an uneasy silence, not sure exactly what to say.

Derek had gone quiet too. Meredith looked down at Maddie who is still in a deep sleep.

"You said you wanted me to be her mother. This is what that entails, right? You don't have to ask me to look after her, as though I'm babysitting her. It's a given that if you have to go away for work, you go away for work and I'm here with her. But if that's... if you don't..."

"No, Meredith, no. I'm not saying that I don't want that, or that I'm uncomfortable with you being alone with her for that long. I just didn't want to spring this on you or make you feel pressure at all," he said, his arm resting over her shoulders. "I want you to be her mother. I want us to be her parents, and one day I want to make that legal, when we can. I promise."

"Okay. Then from here on out, if you're working away, she doesn't need to stay with your parents. I'm here. I'm her mother, and I'm not going to run away just because you're gone for a few nights," she told him, turning her head to kiss his cheek. "And if you're only back Saturday morning, it isn't the end of the world. We can pick you up from he airport and spend time together before we go to my mom's for dinner."

"I love you," he murmured with a grin, dropping his head onto her shoulder.

Meredith smiled, enjoying the warm feeling rushing through her insides. "I love you too."