Shattered

Where do you go when there's nothing left

You know that feeling, when you're feeling something and nothing at the same time. Its something you cant exactly explain.

My body feels heavy and numb. I'm just staring blankly at the wall. Alice and Annabelle are crying loudly while Ally is holding my hand.

Jeremy moves towards me and he hugs me. They leave us together, alone. He hugs me. His hands on me feel like solace.

He caresses my head and kissing it as we're sitting.

He walks us up to the bedroom. And lays me on the bed. He stares at me.

"Gem, please say something."  He begs, staring at me. Tears in his own eyes.

"Please." He begs.

I stare at him. I literally watch his heart break.

He stands up and leaves me there. I want to tell him not to go, I want to beg him. But my mouth stays glued.

When he's outside the room, I hear him speak.

"I'm so sorry to intrude in your home Mrs Black, I just..." he begins but Alice stops him.

"You dont have to apologise. Are you leaving?" She asks him.

I imagine him nodding.

"Please dont go, she needs as much support as she can get. Just stay with her for the night. If your parents mind, I'll give them a call. Just please. I've never seen her so broken." She says to him.

"Niether have I.  I'll stay." He says.

"Thank you so much." She says.

"Its okay . But first let me go get her some of her favourite snacks. When we left the dorm, she was just about to eat." He tells her.

"Okay." And they seem to both walk away.

I sit there silently. So many thoughts are running in my head. But one is more prominent.

I'm an orphan.

My heart aches, but the pain is dull. It's as if I've gone numb. I lie down and face the wall.

Waiting, patiently for the tears to spill but nothing.

I dont see them, I dont feel them.

I cant believe they're gone. Whose going to love me now? I'm too young to have to go through all of this.

A knock sounds on the door.

"Hey." I hear Ally say.

I want to turn around. And give her a sad smile, but my body feels as though its glued to the bed.

The bed behind me dips. Her hand feels like fire to my arm. She caresses my arm.

"Look Gem. I know that I dont know how you're feeling right now. But I want you to know that I'm here for you. My family is your family.  Always." She says.

"I'm going to leave you, but just know that I'm always with you. No matter what. I love you." She tells me.

She walks out the door. And someone else walks in. The person doesnt say much. They just sit behind me.

"Gem." He finally speaks.

"I'm so sorry about everything. I know it's too early but I hope you can forgive me. And I'm sorry about your parents. But I know that you're strong. I know you can get through it." Alyster says.

"Gem please talk to me." He begs.

The door squeaks open. I'm getting tired of all these people coming in to just disturb my peace by reminding me what is happening right now.

"Hey man." Jeremy says. The strings of my heart are pulled.

"Hey." Alyster replies.

"I'm gonna leave you two now. " he says.

After the door is closer. Jeremy shakes me a bit.

"Gem, I know you dont want to talk to us. But please baby, eat something." He asks.

I stand up right. He feeds me a fork of pasta and cheese. I open my mouth and a lands the fork in my mouth. I can barely taste the food but I still chew.

"Good girl." He tells me, smiling. Tears falling down his cheeks.

"How are feeling?" He asks me. I dont say anything. I just eat the forkful again.

And after three forks, I stop eating. I lie back down and fall asleep.  He holds me the entire night.

I wake up a little over midnight , and I find him still holding me. But I'm no longer wearing sweats and a hoodie. I'm wearing his shirt.

And I stare at the wall. It gets a little brighter and bright and soon he stirs awake.

"Morning babe." He says to me.

He kisses my temple. I watch him.

"Baby, its okay to cry. You're only human." He says.

And I do just that, I cry. I sob loudly. And he holds me.

My face on his chest. He hugs me and caresses my back. The tears flow from my eyes.

Soon it's time for breakfast. He walks me down to the dinner table. Everyone's eyes are on me.

I sit down next to him and he holds my hands.

The Blacks pray and then they dig into the food.

I just watch everything that I can never have.

"Eat something." Jeremy whispers. The table is quiet though, so quiet that you can hear what he whispered to me.

Eyes are all on me.

I stare at Jeremy, tears fill my eyes.

"Please." He whispers.

He picks up a fork and he feeds me the pancake. I open my mouth, he lands the fork in my mouth. I chew.

Four more forks, and I stop opening my mouth.

"Come on baby, please eat." He begs.

I just stare at him. I see his heart break.

"Please?" He whispers.

I can hear everyone has stopped eating just to see if I'll actually do it.

"Please baby." He begs.

I open my mouth. And he feeds me. All their faces look relieved.

"Good girl." He says. Tears fall to his cheeks.

Soon they clear up the dinner table.

"Come let's go take a shower." He says.

He walks me to the shower and he strips my clothes. He strips his own too. His manhood presses on my stomach. He washes my hair and my body.

"Fuck me." I say, my voice sounds so distant.

"What?" He stops.

"Please." I beg him with tears in my eyes.

And he does it. Over and over again.

I asked for this because I thought it might make me feel something, but it doesnt.

Why have you forsaken me mom and dad?