Shattered

Permanent

"Mommy! Wake up." Ethan's hushed voice says.

My eyes flutter open and my heart immediately breaks at the sight before me. Ethan is cuddled up to my cradled idle body. He is crying and holding on tight to me.

Irregardless of the pain that shoots through my joints when I do, I sit up right and I hold him. He cries. His head presses against my chest as more tears roll down his face.

It wets my shirt but all I care about is my son.

I stand up, and I go upstairs. Paint shoot everywhere as I do this. But I have to look strong for my son.

I wash my body and Ethan's . While he's still asleep I take Ethand stuff and I take him back to his day care.  It's all I've got right now.

_________________________
Almost two weeks later.

The week has been basically the same. I wake up really early and head to work. I take Ethan to his daycare before that and then after work we find something to do, that can keep us from going home early.

I get home and I cook, Ethan and I eat and go up to sleep. Jeremy comes home late so we barely see each other.

Today Thursday is not like other days. I am home early and cooking dinner for Jeremy. Beef stir fry with peas and mash potatoes.

As soon as the food is plated and put in the microwave. I head upstairs and I pack a small overnight bag for Ethan.

I head out and go pick him up. I'll hail a cab since Jer left with the car.

I wonder he goes. I mean he doesnt have a job. He probably wastes his life drinking .

As soon as Ethan is in my arms, we both fall asleep in the cab to West Virginia. 

Waking up, I see the house in view. I walk up the stairs.

My stay there was not long though. Explaining was not hard either. I just said that Jeremy and I just needed some alone time I'll be back to pick him up on Sunday.

Alice seemed extremely skeptical but she didnt say anything.

The drive back home felt like a blur. I barely remember the ride to the house.

I walk up the stairs and I fall asleep. Nothing, I hear and I feel nothing .

I dont know when Jeremy came back, but i hear a loud bang in Ethan's room.  Then the door to my bedroom opens.

"Where the hell is my son?" He asks.

He sounds calm.

I just look at him. I sigh,knowing exactly where this is going.

"He went for a visit. " I tell him.

He smiles. Why is he smiling?

"Visit who?" He stares deep into my eyes. And fright creeps and crawls up my arms.

"He went to visit Alice in West Virginia." I say my voice sounds so far away with all the fear knocking at every part of my consciousness .

He sees me fighting the large ball that clogs my throat and the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes.

"Okay." He says.

Okay? Okay that's it?

I sigh in relief as soon as I see his back retreating.

Why is he so okay when Ethan is not around? Is he insinuating that my son is the problem? My son is not the problem here! He just has to work out whatever issue he has.

I wake up early Friday morning . Determined to get to work and come home early.

Of course the dress shopping is what excites me the most. I chose to go today because I would have had enough time to think through what I want.

Getting  to work, my mind is occupied with Ethan. I miss him so much. His little fat cheeks spreading up in a smile whenever I wave at him.

As I'm seated behind my desk. Hopelessly waiting for my lunch hour. My stomach growls even louder.

Arraine walks in. She smiles when she sees me.

"Oh hey Gemma." She greets. I smile.

"Hey Arraine." I greet back.

"So, dont be mad at me. But I recommended you to a friend of my who needs an interior designer.  He'll be here on Monday to interview you." She smiles like a child as she says this.

A job? As a designer? I mean I've always loved design. I studied it hell.

"How can I be mad at you? Thank you so much Arraine." I tell her and she smiles.

"You know you remind me of myself. I was young and I'd grab every opportunity I could get. That's why I'm here. Take it easy on yourself. You're getting there." She says smiling.

My heart swells at her words . It feels good to have someone that believes in me again. I smile in response.

She pushes the black leather chair back and pulls her body up from the seated position.

" I cant wait for tomorrow. I'll pick you up at noon?" She asks smiling. I nod and dive right back into work.

Soon it's time to head home, which to be precise it about two hours earlier today. I hail a cab to the mall. Straight to the store Arraine recommended.

The gowns are absolutely gorgeous. The first one that catches my eyes is the red gown hung near the window.

It has a dip near the bust and seems mermaid silhouette.

Next to it is an emerald gown. Similar to the red one, but it has  a little rose-like figure by the hip.

As I walk in the store I see two younger women also staring at some dresses. Next to them is a gown. Black, long, absolutely sexy. It has straps for arms and a nice dip near the bust.

I take it off the rake and I head to the fitting room.

The moment it's silky texture touches my body I feel safe, relieved then beautiful.

The dress reaches my ankle. Then in a slight movement. My thigh sticks out. The dress has a slit that rides up straight to my upper thigh.

I look absolutely stunning. I look at the price of the dress.

Six hundred dollars. Yish expensive but I wouldnt mind.

Its absolutely gorgeous. I want it.

After buying the dress of my dreams . I hail a cab back home. Almost panicking that I'd forgotten my son at his daycare.

I walk into the house and I find Jeremy seated on the couch. His positioning informs me that he is drunk out of his soul.

"Why are you late?" Jer asks.

"I'm not late. What do you mean?" I ask. His face twists in anger.

"Where the hell are you coming from?" He asks.

I drop the items that I've bought on the couch and I stalk towards him. My hands trying to calm him.

Instead of calming down her slaps me.

I stumble to the floor. My body tenses as a defense. Preparing for the impact of his future hits. But nothing.

As I try to get up from the position. I feel a liquid falling on me. A warm, stinky liquid.

I look up to see that the liquid is coming from his penis. He is pissing on me.

He does this until there's nothing left to spill. Some of the substance goes into my mouth irregardless of how hard I try to prevent that. I just let him do it.

I've never felt so powerless in my life. Yet right now in this moment I am powerless.

I feel bad for Jeremy . The toxins have taken over him so much that he has lost himself. And this is all my fault. I couldnt help him, all I did was nag him.