Chasing The City Boy

Chapter 25

T/W Suicide, Anxiety, and Depression

"Eury," Tawag sa akin ni Lance. Since the day I cried in his arms he never left me. Kung saan ako nandoon din siya, even if I try my very best to avoid him, he always finds his way to me.

Like a fly attracted to garbage.

He keeps on pestering me talking about nonsense things. Kahit na hindi ko siya iniimikan, patuloy parin siyang tumitilaok, parang hindi nauubusan ng mga sasabihin.

"Can you even believe it!?" He blabbered something about Sahara dessert having snow. I shook my head and continued walking towards my designated room him still tailing behind me while blabbering nonsense things.

I looked up the sky and saw dark clouds forming. And as a cue rain started pouring down, at first mahina lang siya ngunit unti unting lumalakas. Ipinandong ko ang dala kong plastic folder at tumakbo.

"Wait Eury! May payong ako!" I looked over my shoulder to see a struggling Lance rummaging through his backpack while running. Di ko siya pinansin at mas binilisan pa ang pag takbo.

Pinagpagan ko ang aking sarili ng makarating na ako sa tapat ng room. Some parts of my shirt got wet dahil sa ulan ngunit binalewala ko lang iyon. I sat on a vacant seat and took my books out from my bag.

Kumalabog ang pinto kaya napatingin ako roon. I suddenly got guilty when I saw a wet Lance. An umbrella neatly folded on his hand parang hindi pa nagagamit. He smiled when he saw me at pumunta sa kinaroroonan ko.

"L-lance," I stuttered when sat beside me. His wetness more evident. He was soaked! Parang na ligo sa ulan. My eyes then traveled to his hand where his umbrella took place. My heart dropped once more when I came to realize na hindi niya na buksan ang kanyang payong dahil abala siya sa pag tawag sa'kin.

"Ang basa mo na," Mahinang usal ko. He looked down at his clothes. His shirt was soaked as well as his pants, I looked down at his shoes, they were in no better condition. I'm sure his uncomfortable walking around with soaked shoes and a pair wet socks.

He looked at me and for a second at akala ko magagalit siya ngunit nagulat ako ng siya ay ngumiti "Are you freaking serious! Ang sarap kaya maligo sa ulan!" He laughed at kumunot naman ang noo ko.

"It's been like 10 years since I last took a bath on the rain!" He exclaimed loudly ang mga tao sa room ay napapalingon na sakanya.

"You should try it sometime!" Masayang alok niya sa akin. I smiled a little because of his enthusiasm at nakahinga rin ng maluwag ng malamang hindi siya galit sa akin, ngunit I still feel bad for what I did.

Binuksan ko ang tote bag ko at kinuha ang hoodie doon. Kinalabit ko si Lance and offered him the piece of cloth. He gave me a confused look.

"Aanhin ko naman yan?"

"Mag palit ka, your wet, baka mag kasakit ka pa" He chuckled loudly. I felt me cheeks heat up dahil ang lakas ng tawa niya! His laugh echoed loudly in the room and at ang mga tao ay napapalingon sa amin.

"Are you crazy? Its women's clothing! That thing won't fit me!" He said in-between chuckles.

"It isn't...." Mahinang bulong ko. His eyes darted at the hoodie. It wasn't a women's clothing but a men's.

It was Bryson's.

"Sige na.... kunin mo na, baka magkakasakit ka pa diyan" I said as I shoved the hoodie at him. Kinuha naman niya iyon.

Tumayo siya, at nag lakad paalis. "Salamat ah!" He shouted halfway waving the piece of clothing in his hand.

I ignored him and opened my book. After a few minutes the room door opened and our professor arrived. The classroom became silent as he slammed his book at the table.

"Miss Sorianno," The professor voiced echoed the room. "Please see yourself the at office Miss," I stared at him eyes wide. Hindi maganda ang kutob ko dito, parang alam ko na kung bakit ako pinapatawag but I refuse to entertain my thoughts.

"Right n-now sir?" I stammered.

"Right now." He replied with a nod not even lifting his eyes to meet mine. I began to pack my things at umalis sa room. Paglabas ko I saw Lance wearing the hoodie I gave him. His bottom half was still wet ngunit nakampante na ako dahil suot na niya ang hoodie, my eyes drifted to his hands. May plastic doon na naglalaman ng kanyang suot na polo.

"Oh Eury? San ka pupunta?" He asked. Binigyan ko siya ng isang pilit na ngiti, I ignored him and started heading towards the office. Laking pasalamat ko ng hindi niya ako sinundan.

Diko namalayang nasa harap na pala ako ng office, I lift my hands up ready to knock but suddenly I stopped. A few inches separates my fisted hands on the door.

Hindi ko kaya, hindi ko yata kakayanin. What awaits on the other side is not oblivious to me. I am well aware of whats going to happen, yet I still cannot accept it.

I am going to lose my scholarship.

Why else would I be called? My breathing ragged. The silence in the hallway is suffocating me. Scenarios of how people would react especially my family where now running through my mind.

Anong gagawin ko? My fisted hands tightened my nails digging through my palm. My eyes stung because of the tears that was forming in my eyes.

You're a failure.

You failed on being a good student, you failed on being a good sister and you failed being a good daughter, I bet you even failed at being a good friend.

Ah!

I almost forgot you also failed on being a good girlfriend.

You are failure. A disappointment. You bring shame to your family, to your friends and to everyone that you encounter. You are better off dead. You are a nuisance.

Desperate ex. A failure, and a disappointment.

You are all those three words. A voiced in my head said.

"Eury!" Lumingon ako sa tumawag sa akin. I was greeted with a panting Lance, halatang tinakbo ang distansya para makarating dito. "Eury..." Tawag niya muli. Napatingin siya sa kamao ko. Dali dali ko namang binaba iyon, my nails were bloodied because of how tight I clutched my hands. Lance eyes followed my hand kaya itinago ko iyon sa likod ko.

"Lance..." Nagbigay ako ng pilit na ngiti. "Bat ka nandito?" Mahinang tanong ko.

"Papasok ka ba?" Sabi niya sabay lingon sa pintuan

"Oo"

"Ah sige, gusto mo bang samahan kita?" He offered, diko alam ngunit dahil sa sinabi niya ay lumabot ang puso ko.

"Sa-samahan mo ako?" A though came to my mind kaya dali-dali akong umiling

"Wag na kaya ko naman" I gave him a meaningful smile before ko binuksan ang pinto at pumasok sa office.

I've decided. This pain that i'm feeling will end tonight.