Chasing The City Boy

Chapter 26

"How are you feeling right now Eury?" My shrink, Dr. Jimenez asked. While jotting down things on her paper.

"I think i'm okay, i mean there's progress"

She looked at me through her glasses, not quite convinced with my answer. Binitawan niya ang hawak na ballpen at ipinagsikop ang mga kamay at tinitigan niya ako.

"And why is that?" Kalma niyang tanong,

"Because, im at the point of my life where I am not trying to kill myself yet I don't mind dying." I bluntly but truthfully answered.

Tears started to prickle in the corners of my eyes. Remembering the day where I tried to kill myself. Kung hindi lang dahil kay Lance ay baka wala na ako.

I closed my eyes and sighed loudly.

"Doc, to be honest. I don't know. I don't know what I'm feeling. I don't know if im happy or just trying to be happy." I paused "Getting up by the sound of my alarm and answering calls from my mom every other hour, her making sure that i didn't kill myself is exhausting. Pero ganon eh, this is what happened to my life, and I can't do anything about it." Tumango si Doktora.

"Pero Doc, i'm trying. I'm really trying my best to be better, kasi gusto kong gumaling. I want to be the carefree girl I used to be. So please God help me, kasi diko alam kung papaano o kung saan ako magsisimula."

"San ba nga nagsimula ito Eury?"

"San ka ba pinakanasaktan?" Tanong ni Doktora sa akin. "Eury to get better, you must first forgive yourself, and forgive the people that hurt you. Let go of the things that brought you pain. Papaano ka magiging masaya kung lagi kang kumakapit sa mga nagpapasakit sa'yo?"

"Pero dok, paano kung hindi ko pa po kayang mapatawad?" Mahinang sambit ko.

"Hindi ko naman sinasabing patawarin mo agad Eury, what i'm trying to say is that accept what had happened. Don't entertain thoughts about what if's. What happened had already happened, and you just need to accept it kasi wala kanang magagawa don."

"Acceptance is the key to be free. Focus on yourself, focus on the future that you envision for yourself. And start dreaming again. Forgiveness will come along the way without you even realizing it."

After the session with my psychiatrist, she gave me my prescriptions at pagkatapos 'non ay Dumeretso ako sa pinakamalapit na cafe at binuksan ang laptop ko. I immediately reviewed my notes kase may test kami sasusunod na araw. Napatingin ako sa oras sa screen at hindi ko napigilang makita ang date.

3 months

Its been 3 months since we broke up. I became an irregular student kase I failed a few subjects.

Lahat major.

My mental block stopped and i'm thankful for that. I lost my spot to run for dean listers pero okay lang yon.

Sabi nila.

I am constantly reminded by my family na kahit di na ako magka latin honors ay okay lang.

Lahat 'okay lang'.

Life has been quiet lately. Not the calming one, but the noisy one.