TW EATING DISORDER
It started when i was 11. It was the first time, someone pointed it out to me. I never thought about it until then. Even when it happened the first time I didnt think too much about it. But then the comments started getting worse and far more frequent. Comments about my weight and my size, about how i should lose some weight.
When i did lose a lot of weight after not eating and throwing up due to anxiety (has nothing to do with eating btw, it was because i was bullied at school and going to school made me so anxious) everyone congratulated me on getting healthy. It made me mad because they didnt know how i had lost the weight, they just saw that i had lost it. Thats when i realized something, well more like assumed. People would like me better if i lost more weight and was skinny. So i stopped eating completely, sure id eat every once in a while but made sure i wouldnt gain any weight. And i didnt.
Once i started to get healthy again as in getting meds for my anxiety and depression, i started to eat better as well. I gained some weight back and of course my relatives noticed, so that sent me spiraling again. Eventually, my not eating turned into binge eating and only eating junk food and drinking soda. It didnt help with the comments and id often get into arguments with my parents, they wanted me to eat healthier.
Ever since covid started things havent gotten any better. I've gained even more weight, im not overweight but im not skinny either. I've always had a bit of a stomach. The comments have stopped though, but i do still sometimes feel guilty about eating, causing me to stop eating for a few days. I recently got a motivation and a good reason to lose weight though so i signed myself up for the gym. I cant wait to see some results and finally be happy with myself.
