I feel betrayed, I feel damaged, not by your words, but by your actions.I really don't understand what is happening, is it me? Was it something I did?
Knowing my past, treating me like others did, my trauma resurfaced, I don't want to believe that there's something wrong with our friendship and I keep making excuses to lie to myself about what's going on. Others are not so hopeful, and the more they talk, the more I believe them, I'm gaslighting myself because I don't want to lose you, even tho I already feel like I've lost you.
I don't want to point fingers and blame you, which is why I can't talk to you about how I'm feeling, because I'm too worried that it'll seem like I'm blaming you. I just want to know what's going on, why we haven't talked, why we haven't met each other, why our conversations are so dry.
I don't want to fight to stay in your life, because at this point, I feel like that's what I'm doing, if you don't want me around, then please just tell me that, instead of leading me on.