I'm tired of that feeling, when I wake up in the morning, just waiting for someone to come yell at me, or for my parents to yell at each other.
I'm tired of that feeling, when I lay in bed, knowing I should get up and get dressed and get ready for the day, but there's something that just won't let me get up. Like I've been tied down to my bed with invisible ropes, holding me down.
I'm tired of that feeling, when I get out of my room, after hours of laying in bed, struggling to get up, and then have my parents ask me, what I've been up to, or if I've done anything fun, so I lie, saying I did this, or I did that. Because I can't bare the looks on their faces when I tell them I laid in bed all day.
I'm tired of that feeling, when I want to do something, like draw, or craft something or play video games, but my motivation is so low, so instead of doing that, I just lay in bed, staring at my ceiling, wondering why I am so paralyzed.
I'm tired of that feeling, when my brother gets home, telling about his day, and all the things he did. Fully knowing that my parents don't ask me where I've been or what I've done, because they know, they know that I don't do anything, they know that I don't have friends, well I have one, but we don't hang out a lot, which saddens me.
I'm tired of being scared to be myself, wear what I want, eat what I want, all because I don't want to have rude comments about how my body looks and how imperfect I am.
I'm tired of being me, the disappointment that doesn't do anything, who just lays in bed all day, wanting to do stuff but being paralyzed. I am tired of locking myself into my room because the sun is shining during winter, and the light of the sun bounces off of the snow, making it too bright for me, so I sit in my room, blinds closed, under my blankets, because the brightness makes me anxious.
