Sometimes I feel invisible, because of all the times i have been ghosted. I meet someone, we talk, connect and then i never hear about them again. I'm worried that it has happened again. I'm trying to be patient, but seeing them post online and not answer my messages makes me even more worried. What if they lied? Am I just as unlovable as i was when i was younger? Am I ever supposed to find anyone?
In the back of my mind I know my worth isnt measured based on other people, but rather myself. But because ive always been judge, i seek other peoples acceptance to be able to know my own worth. I would say im probably one of the kindest and sweetest people ever, but still, I only have one friend in real life, and two good online friends. Other than that, i have no one. I know my online friends and I will eventually grow apart and my friend will eventually have her own life, which i hope ill be a part of, but i often worry that once she finds better people, she will forget me. I dont like to feel this way. But ive always been abandoned, sooner or later. I often wonder if i will ever find true love? If i will ever find my people or whether ill always be alone.
I meet someone, hoping theyd stay, but often i get betrayed. Will I die alone or with the love of my life? Will i experience the world alone, or alone? Will I try to cure my touch-starved self, with plushies and animals? Or will there actually be arms to hug me back? Sometimes it's scary to not know whats in store for us in the future. Sometimes, its a good thing. But when will i know its time to stop hoping? When do i know, when to give up?
