It's scary. It's scary not knowing what you think of me. Are we drifting apart? Am I being replaced? Or am I just imagining things. Is it just my trauma acting up?
I see you, but do you see me?
Have I crossed a line?
I feel so alone, but the voice in the back of my head nagging at me "they don't want to talk to you." It's there, and it's constant. It kills me. All the "what if's" looping through my head, like a car on a racetrack.
Sometimes it's the first thing in my mind, sometimes it's further back in my mind, still there, but not as interrupting.
What if I hurt you?
What if this is it?
What if you regret being my friend?
What if you hate me?
What if you're growing apart from me?
What if I'm not good enough for you anymore?
I don't know what to do, but it kills me, it kills me not knowing. But I'm too afraid to ask. I'm too afraid to get an answer I don't want.
How am I supposed to know what's happening, if I don't ask? But what if the way I ask, seems wrong, seems like I'm trying to be controlling? Seems like I'm being an overprotective dickhead.
Like person A's partner B confronting person A
"You liked his post but not mine?"
I don't want to sound like that, it's nothing like that, I just want to make sure I'm not being replaced, I need reassurance, but I'm scared to ask for it, because I'm worried it'll come out wrong, and end up sounding like I'm trying to control you, like I'm trying to control the people you talk with, because I don't want you to be around certain people, but again, that's not what I want at all, I just need reassurance, that it's all in my head, that nothing did happen that made you want to get distance from me.
