I know your time is coming, I know you're tired, and I know you want to go to eternal sleep.
It's scary, watching your health decline, after trying to make it better, almost seems like it's my own fault. I gave you the medicine, which seemed to have fixed the issues with your breathing, but they ended up making you not want to eat, barely even making any noise. I miss the sound of your loud chirping, when you wanted food.
I know it's selfish of me to say that i don't want to let you go. Im going to see if you might start eating again this week, but if you don't, I think it'll be time to say goodbye, and that scares me.
I don't like goodbyes. Of course I don't want you to suffer which is why I won't force you to stay, when all the signs point to having given up on life. But I don't want to. You keep me company, and when I hear a suspicious noise, I just tell myself it's you, you making some noise in your cage, being your silly little self.
You've brought me so much joy over the last 6 years, and I know I haven't been the best owner, but I've tried my best, you've helped with my mental health, even tho you might not understand.
As death is knocking on the door, I think about all the things I could've/ should've done differently, I know you're already old, and you've outlived your brother by over a year, I'm going to miss you, and I'm worried that whenever I wake up the next time, you'll be gone. I'm worried that I won't be able to say goodbye and hold you as you go to your eternal slumber and peace.
I know that the next time I'm taking you to the vet, you won't be coming back. It upsets me, and it feels like hell, not knowing when I should take you there. You're clearly not doing well, but there's a part of me, hoping that it's only the effects of the meds that you took. Which is why I want to wait a few more days.
