Weak To Fire

10

Y/N could remember the morning she woke up to find Mereo gone for a long, long time. She woke up and knew immediately that something was off. She checked on her and there was just the hammock, all her things were gone. And Mereoleona herself was gone. Y/N didn't even have an idea where to start. She didn't even know what to assume first in this situation. All she knew was that Mereoleona had abandoned her and that it was probably her fault for some reason.

Why else would she have left? Y/N and her were the only people out here, right? What other reason was there to leave so suddenly and especially without an explanation? Y/N wondered whether something might have happened to her, but then she wouldn't have taken all her things, right? But then why was the hammock still here? It didn't make sense. Any way Y/N looked at it, it didn't make sense. There was always some little detail that didn't fit. And all that Y/N could think of was that there was something wrong with her and that that was the reason Mereo had left.

It took her a while to accept that there were also other possibilities - that it didn't necessarily have to be her fault that Mereo left. But it wasn't something she could believe easily. No matter how many times she told herself that none of this was her fault, she couldn't really believe it. No matter how reasonable other explanations sounded, at the end of the day Y/N still believed it was somehow her fault.

She really wouldn't have cared that Mereoleona had left, if she had at least talked to her about it. Why couldn't she sit her down and tell her what was wrong? Give Y/N some closure? She didn't understand it and she didn't know how to make peace with the situation. She needed to somehow find an end to it, she needed to know what happened, but there was no way for her to find out. If something had happened to Mereo, Y/N would have no way to find out. No way except finding her dead somewhere in the forest... and she didn't want to think about that.

For a few weeks Y/N kept searching the forest to see if she could find any traces of Mereoleona somewhere. She was starting to get worried that something might actually have happened. But there was nothing to be found. It was as if she had completely vanished and Y/N was back at square one, not knowing what the hell had gone wrong and why Mereoleona had left all of a sudden. If she just had to go back to the capital for some business, she surely would have said goodbye to her or at least left her a note or something, right?

But there was just nothing. Nothing at all, except the empty hammock and that was what was getting to Y/N so much. If she had planned to leave forever, why would she leave that of all things? Maybe she was overthinking this. Someone like Mereoleona who was a noble and who normally lived in the capital could afford to get as many new hammocks as she wanted. Maybe she just didn't want to bother with it or something. Maybe it was something else after all.

Y/N found herself almost becoming obsessed with that hammock. She saw it every single morning after all and it always reminded her of Mereoleona. It reminded her of all the evenings they had spent cuddled up there under the blanket, looking at the stars or at the moon. It wasn't like they had done that a lot, but it had happened a few times and Y/N had really enjoyed being so close to Mereo. Nothing else had happened, and they had always found some excuse that had nothing to do with either of them crushing on the other, but it was still nice.

Mereo had felt so different from most people that Y/N had met. First of all, her mana was amazing. She had a lot of mana and it was fiery and wild and passionate and Y/N had never felt a mana quite like it. And then her skin... it was always warm, as if she had a fire burning inside her. Being huddled under a blanket with her felt like being cuddled up in front of a fireplace - it was the same kind of dry and comforting warmth that a nice fire would give. Y/N missed it.

She'd sometimes wander over to the hammock at night and lie in it, trying to bring back the same feeling that she had when Mereoleona was still her. The same feeling of being warm and safe, but it was never quite the same and she ended up just feeling more lonely and colder than ever before. Most of the time she somehow managed to fall asleep in the hammock and wake up in the morning, feeling miserable and hating herself for still being so hung up on Mereoleona. After all, she was a human and humans died comparatively quickly and they hadn't even kissed or anything. It seemed stupid to be so hurt over it all. Still, it felt bad.

Y/N wondered whether she would ever be back to normal. This whole thing had gone on for way too long. She had gotten way too attached to Mereo, when they had only really been hanging out and sometimes cuddling. She didn't even know whether she had feelings for her or not. Well... with how thing were going Y//N figured it might be safe to assume that she didn't have any feelings for her, especially since she had just left without any words to Y/N whatsoever.

Surely, if Mereoleona had feelings for her or even liked her just as a friend she would have said something to her, where she was going, how long she would be gone, whether she would come back... anything that would have given Y/N some ease of mind, so she wouldn't have to worry. She couldn't really think of anything that would make her leave just like that, without a word. The more Y/N thought about it, the more depressed she got over it. If only she had some answers. If only she had some closure. If only, if only, if only. It was no use at all.

Mereoleona was gone and there was nothing Y/N could do about it. For about a week or two she was convinced that it was maybe just some sort of family emergency or something like that, but it still didn't seem to add up to her. Why wouldn't Mereoleona just tell her where she was going? Maybe if it was a really bad emergency... but then those bad emergencies were usually resolved in a short time, right? It had been weeks now since Y/N had last seen her. Weeks without a word from her or anything at all. She wasn't sure whether waiting for her was worth it anymore.

And so she slowly tried to go back to normal - whatever normal was. She was a water spirit, it wasn't like she had anything to do all day, she didn't have any tasks or duties or whatever. All she had to do was stay in her lake and somehow pass the time. Which was difficult when she was trying to get over a woman that she hadn't even been that close to in the first place. What the hell was she even sad about? There was nothing. Nothing ever happened between them.

Maybe that's what she was mourning. That she wished there had been more there, that there were so many opportunities she hadn't taken and now she never knew if they'd come back. That was probably the hardest part, that she was always thinking about what could have been and what might have been and how things might have been different and every single time she thought about it, she came back full circle to the same old thought: What did she do wrong?

It always came back down to that. It was her fault. It was something she had done or hadn't done. It was something that was inherently wrong with her. How could she as a water spirit even expect that a fire magic user would like her like that? Maybe they had just been too different and Mereo had been playing along with her all this time. Maybe that was what was wrong. Maybe she just didn't want to put on a show anymore. Either way, it was too late. It was too late now. Y/N was on her own again and she would have to get used to it, after she had such good company for so long.