Brooklyn Amelia Caffrey

Don't wanna be here

Brooklyn's Pov

So I said that I don't deserve to be apart of the family and that I don't even deserve to have our last name and that I don't deserve to be a Caffrey and that was true. I'm a disgrace and no one believes me. They tell me that they love me and that I am not a disgrace but yes I am, I'm a mistake and I really don't deserve to be Neal's sister. I'm such an embarrassment to the Caffrey name that nobody will ever love me because there's no way anybody could love someone so unloveable like me. Even my own parents didn't even love me, they always thought that I was invisible and no one will ever understand what that's like and even when me and Neal were little, I tried to make him understand by hiding all of his Christmas gifts so that when he woke up he would think Santa doesn't love him and yes it made him feel like nobody loves him but he and nobody else will know what it's like to feel invisible to my parents.

I'm not proud of this, I wish I could stop it, I just don't want this anymore I don't know how to deal with this life anymore. But then there's this voice inside of me, it tells me that everything is gonna be ok cause no matter what happens this is gonna happen anyway, that people won't forget about who we are cause I can do whatever I want and no matter how horrible things may be, I can be happy because if you can get through this, everything'll be fine. If I can do this. If anyone can do this. If I can't. If I can't. If I'm too much. If I'm nothing more than a burden in the Caffrey family. If I can't be enough for anybody but myself, if I'm too weak or stupid to live. I've done it before, I can do it again. I can survive this if I have someone that will stay by my side. And that person is Neal, he has stuck with me for years now and helped me out and taught me and showed me all those wonderful times that everybody else was too blind to see or didn't care to notice. 

He was the reason that I had friends, he was the reason that I started to dream again, the reason why I felt like it was finally possible for me to be someone other than a waste of space or a disappointment. Because when you're in Neal's shoes, you see everything differently and you realize everything that everyone else thinks is bullshit. And even when that person doesn't believe them, the person that believed them does. And that person becomes your friend, they become somebody that you trust and they help you, they help you get better and sometimes they even try to be a parent to you. I had two people who always felt like mother's to me but 1 moved away and the 2nd one I haven't seen in forever. See even though I'll never get to see those people again or anytime soon, I will always have Neal. He's the man of the house and he always takes care of me because no matter what, he always will.

There was a time where I was alone because he decided to do some bad things and because he did those things, he was arrested and when that day came I felt like I was lonely and that I would always be lonely but then he got to work for the FBI and everything changed. I got to see him again and I finally didn't feel alone anymore. I got my brother back and yes it felt weird because he had a tracking anklet and he couldn't take it off and he couldn't even go more then 2 miles and if he did then Peter would be notified and that made it even harder to spend time with him because I would want to do things with him and he couldn't go because they were more then 2 miles. It made it even more harder because he always had to go into work and I hated every second of it. One day he stopped working for them because Peter used him and I was glad he stopped because I finally got to do things with him that I couldn't do before. He got his anklet taken off and Peter got arrested and then died and that made me so happy since I always hated him. Life got better and ya know what, me and Neal will always be partners cause no matter what happens we will always work side by side and our sister and brotherly bond will never be broken.