Chasers & Beaters

•fakes & fraud•

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j.potter's POV
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"We'll what's the lucky chaps name?"

I heard Sirius ask, "Um uh M-Monty. His name is Monty." Diana said. "You had sex with a guy named Monty instead of going to class all day?" Remus asked her and I could here the denial in his voice.

And she scolded me, huh.

"I didn't have sex instead of going to class." Diana spoke with a voice crack, "Darling, lower the covers past your jaw." Remus said and Sirius stomped his foot. "A ha! Those are hickeys! Rangers been shagging!" Sirius yelled giddy. "Where is he then?" Remus asked.

"He uh left." My wife is a terrible liar merlin help me. "Ranger, we just want to have a nice chat with him." Sirius said and I could hear him crack his knuckles. "Padfoot, you aren't very capable of beating people up." She wasn't wrong. "Thats Mooney's job, duh." Sirius quipped back.

"You know, I'm not in a very nice state right now and- and I've been dramatically ill. All day. And quidditch season is starting back up so why don't you leave me to rest?" Diana finished her plea of privacy with a fake cough.

"Okay fine. Then we will just go to James and integrate him about who comes in and out of this head dormitory." Remus spoke. Shit. "Why would James care?" Diana asked. Cause I'm your husband who you are THROWING UNDER THE BUS. "James would care if he's waiting to finally steal you back from Monty because you guys dated happily for 7 months. that options would mean Remus owes me 20 galleons." Sirius replied.

"Hes going out with Cordelia today."

"How do you know that Ranger?" Remus asked. "I- I set them up." She responded. "Well Monty did. He was the one who told me that Cordelia and James should go out." I'm not under the bus anymore, I am six feet under. "How did you meet Monty?" Sirius asked as I felt added pressure on the bed I was still under. Merlin let her make them leave.

"I met him at Hogsmeade and as I am in a compromising position, can you guys please go? You can go make out somewhere and then say nothing happened like normal." My wife is badass. The pressure that came from Sirius had gone, "You don't need to tell me twice, Remus?"

"Bye Ranger."

"Thank Merlin they are gone." I said getting out from under the bed. Diana threw the covers off of her as I got in the bed. When I go into the covers, she rolled on top of me and kissed me, "I'm sorry I couldn't get rid of them sooner." She said before kissing my neck. I laughed, "So when are we doing a Monty appearance?" I asked her as she pulled away.

"I told them he was the one fucking me."

"Yeah"

"So finish what Monty left off."

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"Are you sure this will work?" Diana asked me from the bathroom. "Are you doubting my father?" I asked in response. "I would never doubt your fathers products but Prongs." She said and walked towards her.

"Yes I'm blonde but my hair is not going to stop being this curly." I stood and took in her appearance. She wore a pair of my boxers and queen t-shirt. She looked adorable but I had to admit the blonde made me miss her dark locks. "Can you put heat on the product?" I asked her.

"I don't quite know." She said took the tin from the counter and squinted at the instructions, "I can but your blonde bombshell Cordelia who I set you up with might smell like burnt hair" Diana spoke looking up at me smiling, a giggle escaping her lips.

"Well, Sirius and Moony will definitely hold it against her. They still want me to be with you." I said walking away to get dressed. "They are our friends for a reason and they will kill us when they found out that we arent bitter exes but we are happily married." Diana said from the bathroom as I walked away.

"When should we tell them?" She asked from the distance. "Graduation." I said. The laugh that echoed from her couldn't be well described other than hyena like. "Ok sure, we wait 10 months." She said and giggled slipped through and between words.

✨🪄🔮🪄✨

"You have the map?" Diana asked me as we walked hand in hand through hogsmeade. Well I should say Cordelia. My Wife currently wore a different face through the magical workers known as my father's still in testing Halloween makeup. Her eyes were the same but her cheekbones were higher and her jaw slimmer, her skin had lightened like her foundation was a few shades lighter than a matching tone- a reason this product wasn't selling.

She didn't look like Diana but more importantly she looked like an unfamiliar face. "Yes, it's in the bathroom shelves." I said and she squinted. "I don't wanna know why you put it there but better than in Mooney or Padfoot's hands." She said and we entered the three broomsticks.

"Shit." She said and turned away, placing her head on my shoulder. "Their here." She whispered as I looked across the room to a booth holding Marlene, Sirius, Mary and a poorly disguised overgrown dog man.

We made a b-line to a table in their view but a great distance away. "We should've got Ted in on this." Diana said and slumped over pushing her sunglasses as far up the bridge of her nose it could go. "Fuck that would've been brilliant." I said as I took her coat from her shoulders and then mine to place on the hook of our booth.

"If I just keep these on maybe they'll think your girl is pretentious? Do we want them to hate her?" Diana asked as she tried to hide behind her menu. I looked across the room making eye contact with Sirius. He gave me a look that said nothing short of, "I don't support this," and I was regretting a lot.

"How  am I supposed to know-"

"Hello I'm Ted I'll be your server." I looked from the side of my well disguised wife to the man we had to fool the most. "James. Nice to see you tonight." Ted narrowed his eyes at me.  "And this is?" He asked, his teeth squeaking as clenched his jaw.

"D- Cordelia. This is my date Cordelia." I said with a tight smile engulfing my mouth. His gaze then moved to the bottle blonde beside me. "So Cordelia, you are missing out, love. We usually had a starlet singing for us. James here, he knows Diana quiet well." Ted spoke and I could hear his soul break slightly.

"Ah oui oui. Mon amour has talked about this place." I've never heard such a thick accent- no, fake thick accent leave someone's lips with such confidence. "I'll leave you both to decide what you want." He said and walked away.

"He's a spy, Ted hates serving that'd why he's mostly behind the bar- Darling why are you looking at me like that?" She said and looked at my eyes. "Where the fuck did that come from?" I asked. "Do you even know French?" I followed. "No, I've just heard Moony say it." She responded and looked down.

We both looked over at the group of conspiring eyes and they looked at us, Ted nodding and blatantly talking about us. "This is going to be a long night." I said as 'Cordy' nervously bit her nails.

"A long, long night."