Even the Dark Side Can't Take Our Memories

Chapter 18 - Disoriented Composure

"Home sweet home," Ahsoka said, her voice resigned. The dusty orange door slid open as Ahsoka's hand fell back to her side. The sounds of speeders, traders, and illicit conversations faded away as Barriss and Ahsoka stepped into the one-room home. The rough metal dresser that had housed her malfeasant comlink leaned against the wall across from the small bed. The rough stained gray walls barely made the room circular; it felt more like a warped hexagon. An overturned shipping barrel served as Ahsoka's kitchen table. She tried to spend as little time as possible in her ramshackle home, spending her days finding odd jobs with mechanics instead.

Barriss walked over to the bed, delicately setting herself down on it. She looked up at Ahsoka from beneath her long lashes. "Ahsoka, thank you. Really. I don't deserve-"

"I don't want to hear it," Ahsoka said, from where she was struggling to overturn her barrel table to access the food inside. "I'm not doing this for you." Ahsoka barely even knew what she meant. She was obviously doing this for Barriss; even though she didn't understand why she felt obligated to help someone who had ruined her life so. Even though Barriss had made such a mistake, she was Ahsoka's missing piece; but the childish part of Ahsoka couldn't drop her grudge.

Ahsoka finally managed to wrangle out two rations. She tossed one to Barriss as she turned on the scavenged radio that sat on the windowsill. "Thanks," Barriss muttered.

"I know it's not much..." Ahsoka muttered sheepishly. Despite her bitterness, Ahsoka couldn't help but be embarrassed by her living situation.

"Hey, I just came out of a high-security Republic prison; trust me, nothing could be worse than that." Barriss's voice was tinted with a good nature it did not usually hold. Barriss had always been serious, and by-the-book. Her soft side only came out with Ahsoka, which was one of the things Ahsoka loved about her, but this wasn't Barriss's soft side. This was some attempt to make amends and hide the real pain hidden beneath Barriss's shyly smiling face.

Ahsoka did not laugh at Barriss's quip. The two ate in silence, only ads for cantina deals and off-world transportation breaking the unnatural quiet. As soon as Barriss was finished eating, she got up from the bed and left the apartment. As soon as the door creaked shut behind her, Ahsoka jerked upwards, her heart slipping into her throat. Where had Barriss gone?

Somehow, Barriss's clear desire for Ahsoka had barely affected her, but now that Barriss showed one sign of not wanting to spend time with the secretly earnest Togruta, Ahsoka felt her already cracked heart splintering further. But Barriss had every right to take a break from Ahsoka, who had been nothing but cold to her. Ahsoka promptly felt a pang of guilt, but Barriss had framed her for federal crime and treachery! Ahsoka wasn't the one who should have been feeling bad, yet she couldn't shake the feeling that she needed to apologize.

Ahsoka lowered herself onto the bed, gnawing at her lip to the rhythm of her hyperactive tapping foot. Just as she could take it no longer and began to stand up, the door opened again and Barriss came back inside, not looking up at Ahsoka. Ahsoka hurriedly cleared her throat, sitting back down and regaining her stony composure.

"I'm going to go to sleep now, if that's okay," Barriss said. Ahsoka nodded, grabbing an extra blanket from her dresser drawer and laying it out on the floor. Barriss didn't seem to mind the makeshift bed; or, at least, she didn't complain.

Neither girl could fall asleep that night. Ahsoka caught Barriss looking up at her nervously a few times, but each time Ahsoka glanced down, Barriss looked away. For each of Ahsoka's tosses, Barriss turned. Finally, Ahsoka drifted off to sleep...

***

After what felt like less than a moment later, bright sunlight filtered through the misshapen window, blinding Ahsoka in her tiredness. She promptly burrowed back underneath the blankets, and it took her a moment to realize that Barriss was gone again. Ahsoka groaned, pulling herself out of bed to change before Barriss returned.

Ahsoka was just latching on her belt when the door opened, causing Ahsoka to start. Barriss came in clutching two mugs of Bantha milk, one of which she pushed into Ahsoka's arms.

"Peace offering?" Ahsoka grimaced, as memories of times when there was nothing but peace between them flashed behind her eyes.

"For now." Ahsoka let the cool milk slide down her throat, the harsh chill waking her up. "Now, you need to tell me everything." Barriss nodded, a sigh escaping her lips.

"I know." Her glass clutched tightly in one hand, Ahsoka dragged two crates out to the middle of the room, settling down on one. Barriss sat on the other, setting her own drink on the ground and clutching the sides of the crate tightly. She looked up at Ahsoka's artificially stony face fervently and took a deep breath. "I'm ready."