Draconia Offline vol. 1

3.2. Level Up - Part 2

Erik doesn't live near the campus but his place isn't on the other side of Prague either so I arrive within forty minutes. Painkillers kick in and mitigate my severe headache to a tolerable level but I still almost puked three times in the train when someone got too close to me.

Erik opens the door almost immediately when I ring the bell. I was never happier to see him and I realise all those things I love about him. Like he's here for me even though I ran away from him last night. Like he's not judging me even if I must look really shitty right now. He genuinely cares.

"Well, that's a visit I'd have never expected," he smirks and his mind is full of fondness.

The familiarity and power of his emotions take me by surprise. Normally, I'd feel such strong feelings only during sex. I stumble and fall into his arms.

"Ryuu, do you feel okay?" he touches my forehead in concern.

He shouldn't have done that—the sheer volume of his thoughts almost knocks me down. In an attempt to keep my sanity, I tear down my face mask I forgot to take off and kiss him urgently.

I get lost in his mind and come back only after he pushes me away.

"I'm not saying that I don't enjoy this new wild you," he says, surprised but grinning. "But at least come inside first, will you?"

I allow him to manoeuvre me into his hallway and wait impatiently for him to close the door behind us. The second we have privacy, I seize him.

*****

I see everything; Erik is like an opened book. I can browse all his memories and access his inner desires. I can also see the things he isn't even aware of, all his subtle tendencies and suppressed emotions. And everything is lovable about him.

It's not just sex anymore, we're making love. Our connection has deepened to the most intimate level.

"Ryuu... I... I love you," he whispers between moans.

It's impossible to resist such a pure feeling. All my defences fall. And for the first time in my life, I'm not afraid to say it.

"I love you too," I whisper back and shower his mind with my affection.

*****

I wake up with a twitch. Erik is sleeping but it's still only afternoon. I feel his emotions as sharply as during our sex but I'm able to think rationally again. I'm finally able to differentiate between my feelings and his so I can start thinking things through.

I did something horrible and unfair to Erik. I... used him. He's the last person in my life who deserves that and I hate myself for it right now. I might have hurt my one precious person. Does it make me a bad person? What should I do?

I love you too. I caress his wavy hair. Have I loved him before? Was I just too scared to admit it to myself? I don't do boyfriends, my own rule. I mean... what if they found out? That possibility frightens me the most. It frightens me being called a freak. Especially by people I like.

You're special to me, Erik. But what now? I got consumed by you and at the same time I consumed you. What if I hurt you? So far I've been only catching other people's emotions, thoughts only upon touch, but now I'm sure I entered your mind. I don't want to hurt you like I hurt Peter.

I sit up and quietly put my feet on the ground. This time I feel guilty to leave without saying goodbye but it's better this way. I don't deserve him and he doesn't deserve to be used by a freak. I have to disappear from his life to protect him from me.

"Don't you dare!" Erik's strong arms suddenly twist around my stomach and pull me back. I gasp for breath, startled. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't notice he woke up.