Draconia Offline vol. 1

59.1. I'm the Emperor - Part 1

A short power nap helped to rest my wings but hunger got progressively worse. I squeeze my painfully growling stomach and sigh. As if that wasn't enough, my wings are starting to itch. Did some insects bit me while I was sleeping? A forest really isn't a place for a Celestial, I need to get out of here.

I try to stand up but I get dizzy immediately. I can't seem do to anything on an empty stomach. It's our general racial weakness but, as always, I have it much worse. For some reason I got everything Celestial-related seriously loaded and that applies to magic abilities as well weaknesses. Another mystery to solve. Why me? What makes me so special?

I land back on soft moss, cross my legs, snuggle back into my wings and decide to just wait to be rescued. It's not very heroic but it is what it is. I simply can't move, my body is too starved. I used to carry a GPS tracking device but that was before my friends were able to accompany me during flights so I have nothing on me right now.

Wait a second, didn't that Soren guy mention something about Celestials being able to sense where I am? Could that be true? If so, I should be eventually rescued even if I stay put. On the contrary, it would be probably easier for them to find me if I don't move.

I feel partial relief but it mainly freaks me out. If my overwhelming mana capacity is like a beacon to Celestials, it means they can track me and there's no place for me on the whole planet to hide. I'm bound to my subjects forever; they will never let me go. This Emperor business is life sentence which, in my unfortunate case, could mean centuries.

Would I really abdicate if I had a chance, though? Putting aside our strange lore which says the Celestial Emperor cannot abdicate because they are the embodiment of magic—one of a kind—there's also that part of me which just feels like the Emperor. I am the Emperor.

No, I don't like politics. I don't want such crushing responsibility. But, at the same time, there's that burning desire deep within me that wants nothing else than to ensure that my subjects are safe and our race has future. I want and I have to protect Celestials. It's like a calling I can't ignore.

I'd never worked so hard before as during these past months. Yet, I don't particularly mind. Of course, I'd welcome actual free time but working ten hours every day doesn't feel like such a chore when I'm doing it for my race. For all Draconians. Liana is a workaholic because that's just the way she is but I work hard only for others. Is that an empath's quirk or the Emperor's? Or possibly both so I really can't fight the urge?

I pull my wings tighter and hug my knees. I wanted some alone time to think but, the truth is, the unnatural telepathic silence is so stifling it makes me anxious. I shouldn't have flown away. Not only it was stupid and immature of me, I crave the minds of my friends and even the people I don't know that well. I think it's pretty much confirmed—telepaths cannot stand solitude.

In the end, I'm quite happy with being found as soon as possible. However, there'll have to be some significant changes. I understand that Liana, Erik and the others wanted to protect me but they have to understand that's not the way how to go about it. I'm afraid the only way how to make them finally understand is to act more imperial.

More... imperial. I chew my lip. Am I still afraid of certain parts of me? Am I subconsciously acting meeker because I don't want to be feared? I was always a rather timid person but I was never really scared of people. I longed for connections, I was just worried they'd find out about my telepathy sooner or later, call me a monster and report me to the government.

Well, I don't have to be worried about that anymore. All my friends accepted my extra sensory ability rather easily and, in the eyes of Celestials, I guess it simply makes me even more powerful. And should human governments find out eventually, I have no doubt my subjects would protect me fiercely.

I take a deep breath to calm my wildly beating heart but I'm more excited than anxious now. I was gradually working on this and I think I can finally do it. I'll stop hiding my true self... this time for real. Entirely. I'll take a leap of faith. I'll put all trust in the people who care about me—which ultimately means all my subjects I guess—and hope for the same treatment.

And for the fuck's sake, I should stop being afraid of what I can do. I defeated a heligorr yesterday. Human politicians are becoming a piece of cake for me. I just flew away from thousands of Celestials. Why am I still underestimating myself? What's holding me back? There's nothing for me to fear anymore.

And I shouldn't suppress my powers either. I take another deep breath and decide to destroy all my mental blockers in one go. I was so desperate to put them up again after Takeda shattered them that I refused to admit I felt much freer without them. I thank them for protecting me for all those years when I did need them and then dissolve them peacefully.

It's like a heavy weight has been lifted from my chest. I'm a telepath and I should be proud of it. I try to comfort myself that there's no way the things I'm supposed to perceive would harm me. Sure, too much is too much but that also applies to music that is too loud and light too bright. Normal intensity shouldn't be a problem. It won't be a problem anymore. I'm sure about that.

With my brain taken care of, I continue with dissolving the tension in my body. I kindly remind myself that my cells and feathers are full of mana and there's no longer any need to keep it contained. Why am I in a constant self-imposed spasm? Why am I deliberately hurting myself?

My mana is leaking anyway, I'm not that successful in hiding my true potential and Celestials feel it. Well, let's take that barrier down as well, I promised myself no more hiding. I let my mana flow freely through my body and overflow out of my pores. It's liberating experience, like finally taking a full breath after years of having asthma.

The last step is the one I'm most afraid of—accepting my Emperor's nature unconditionally. There's a lot to worry about. What if I suddenly long for conquest? What if I stop seeing others as my friends and will think of them only as my subjects? What if I start to be bothered that Erik is human?

I shiver and have to use all my willpower to overcome the fear and just tear that mental barrier down as well. It crumbles, my Emperor's nature fully manifests but... nothing else happens. I feel exactly the same. I'm pretty sure I allowed myself to be the Emperor through and through but, as far as my emotions and thinking go, nothing changed really.

My biggest worry was that I would lose my kindness. But I didn't. My mind feels the same. I'm still an empath who naturally cares about other people, the Celestial Emperor or not. I'm still a geek who loves games and books and my idea of a perfect weekend is gaming and reading. I can still enjoy being held by my partners and be vulnerable around them.

I feel joyful relief. This is the very first time in my entire life when I finally feel at peace with myself. I never thought it possible but I realise I like what and who I am. My body relaxes as years of tension dissolve. I even think that I might have overcome my anxiety disorder because the root cause is gone now.

I'm confident that I can face my subjects now. There are friends among them but, overall, I'm not against thinking of them as my subjects anymore because I am their Emperor. It's just stating a fact, I don't feel conceited about it. Celestials want their Emperor so let them have the Emperor. I accept it now. I accept everything.

And if they feel it in their very genes that they need to protect me so desperately, so be it. I guess it would be a disaster to them to lose the embodiment of magic. But they will get the Emperor with everything else as well—the whole package. I won't be just their pretty shiny treasure. I'll be their true ruler. They'd better be prepared.

I'm ready to get across a few things as clearly as possible. But for that, I need to be found before I die of hunger. I probably managed to cross hundreds of kilometres in just a few hours, that's why they didn't find my yet. They can feel where I am, they just can't fly that fast. At least I should be more easily detectable now, my mana is flowing without any obstructions so if I'm a beacon to them, I just started to glow like a sun.

Not knowing what to actually do while waiting, I cross my legs and start meditating. I'm enjoying it much more now that I'm so relaxed. It's not a chore Julia made me do anymore, it's mental hygiene for my mind, similar to taking a hot bath. From now on, it'll be doing it with pleasure because I like how it balances me and cleanses mental clutter.

I don't know for how long I've been meditating and getting used to being without any mental barriers but eventually I hear a sound of countless wings flapping. At last, I'm found!