Draconia Offline vol. 1

36.2. Hurt - Part 2

I wake up in our comfy round bed, snuggled under two blankets. Maybe it was all just a dream? I try moving and the pain in my right wing reminds me that it wasn't a dream. Everything really happened.

"Ryuu?"

Erik is lying next to me, hugging me tight and petting me gently between my wings. He's worried sick about me. And he still loves me, however unbelievably that sounds.

"Please, open your mind to me again," he kisses me on my forehead.

I slowly open my eyes instead but close them again quickly. The world is spinning. I feel dizzy.

"Julia had you sedated with some strong meds," Erik says slowly. "Sorry, but we had to, your telekinesis went crazy, reacting to your panic attack. She said you'll probably feel weird for a couple of hours but it should keep you calm. I insisted we carry you here. You feel much better at home, right?"

Home. I'm supposed to take for home an apartment which was forced upon me by circumstances. But if Erik is here with me, I guess it passes.

I start thinking about the battle again. Those people I mercilessly killed even though they were bad guys. But my body doesn't release any stress hormones this time. Whatever Julia gave me must be a hellishly strong drug if it's able to numb my emotions like that. I hate that feeling of not being in control—the feeling of some chemicals dulling me. But I guess I need it right now.

I realise we're not alone in the room. Miruel and one other guard stand by the door from the inside and the door is open. Are they protecting me or are they afraid I might start wreaking chaos again? Which is it?

"Is he awake?! Oh, Aefener!"

I reluctantly open my eyes again and I'm astonished that it's Emi who appears in the door. She's the last person I'd expect here and now. She jumps to our bed and if Erik wasn't with me, she would definitely go for a crushing hug.

"I feel so bad that I wasn't here when you needed me the most," she's angry with herself and her foxy tails is waggling wildly. "I could have helped a lot. I could have made a difference!"

"It's not your fault," I say faintly.

"No," she admits and looks at me sternly. "So why do you think it's yours?"

Oh. Now that I'm finally calm... I guess that makes sense.

"And I would have done the same—killing those bastards! Actually, I regret I didn't get that chance," she pushes her claws into the mattress and Erik has to slap her hands so that she doesn't rip our nice bedsheets. Scratching things when she's nervous seems to be a bad habit of hers.

"You were too merciful, Aefener," her animal eyes are gazing at me intensely. "You gave them a quick clean death. I'd be much messier."

"I'm sorry to disturb you, Supreme Alpha, but His Majesty has to eat. Now," Luviael appears in the door short after Emi with a tray in her hands.

The way she's looking at me... she knows. There's no suspicion in her mind, she knows everything. Liana or someone else must have told her. At first, I worry she's afraid of me now. Or maybe offended that I didn't tell her sooner when she's supposed to be my adjutant. But I don't perceive anything like that from her. She's looking at me kindly and a bit timidly.

"Luvi, I...," I try to say something but I let out a cough which irritates my broken ribs.

"No excitement whatsoever, Ryuu," Erik reminds me patiently.

"That's okay, Your Majesty, I understand. I really do," Luvi manages a sincere smile and puts the tray on the bedside table.

It looks like she wants to leave right away to give us some privacy but she reconsiders and turns to me. Then she kneels down, gently takes my hand and... kisses it?! W-why? Her emotions hit me with full force. Love. Gratitude. Absolute trust. Admiration.

"We just want to thank you, Your Majesty, for saving our lives," Luviael says tenderly.

"Who's we?" I don't understand. There's so much going on in her head right now that it's hard to pinpoint one specific information.

"Well, everyone in the skyscraper, of course," she laughs, amused by my ignorance. "If Her Excellency didn't forbid anyone unauthorized to enter this floor, you'd be flooded with gifts and people taking turns thanking you."

"Ohh," I blush and the tight feeling around my heart gets lifted a bit. I killed people but I also saved a lot. I know that. I'd probably do it again but that doesn't make it any easier. The guilt. The fact that I'm a murd-...

"No!" Luviael gets startled. "Don't you ever think that!"

Damn, did I accidentally send her that? I'm too weak to control myself properly.

"Nobody thinks that, not even humans," she says adamantly. "It's true that you look formidable in that video and some percentage of humans are even more scared now but everybody understands that you didn't have a choice. It was self-defence."

Oh, so someone was shooting it and the video leaked out. Obviously. Why wouldn't it. If there's something modern society isn't good at, it's keeping things to ourselves. I bet more than one person started recording the moment I showed up in the dining hall. And I bet at least one of them put it on live stream because, again, why not.

"Aefener," Emi speaks up again. "How do you suppose regular security would have handled the situation? They'd certainly be forced to shoot and there's no saying how efficient they would be with all those innocent people in the way. We'd have many more casualties than just four."

I nod slightly. Still not fully convinced but willing to be convinced. All those horrible things I think about myself... I have to keep repeating that they aren't true. I should never believe anything my overthinking mind comes up with during panic attacks. I'm no monster. I did it to save my people and even humans for that matter.

"And you flew... you really did!" Luvi tries to cheer me up. "It wasn't just your wings, wasn't it? They're huge but they still have to grow a bit more. How did you do it?"

"Levitation and some air magic," I reveal. "Very mana demanding, probably not worth it any other time than in crisis."

"Mana demanding!" Luvi slaps her forehead. "I'm talking to you and forgot about your lunch! That human doctor told us you absolutely HAVE TO EAT! Mana equals calories and you lost a ton of mana."

"Right, up you go," Erik pulls me onto his lap and Emi helps him to reposition my wings so that the right one doesn't hurt that much.

I'm expecting some healthy food Julia ordered but I'm pleasantly surprised to find a cheese pizza under the lid. Erik smirks when he notices I'm actually excited for food and stuffs the first piece into my mouth. I ravenously eat it whole, admittedly feeling better, and fall asleep in his arms.