Draconia Offline vol. 1

44.1. The Emperor Within Me - Part 1

Erik stayed unnaturally quiet for the rest of the meeting. He didn't touch me after that and kept his thoughts to himself. I'm afraid I did hurt him even if it wasn't my intention. Well, maybe not him specifically but his humanity. I think that for the first time ever, he hates the fact that I can read his emotions all the time.

The meeting was extremely tense but went rather well. Draconians all over the world seemed to calm down when I recorded our official statement and announced what we agreed on but I didn't ask them to be passive. Not this time. Not anymore. I hope that if humans know that we will fight back should the need arise, they won't bully us as much.

We get home at half past nine, the day seemed endless. We're both dead tired and Erik hardly spoken to me. He refused to hold hands on the way back and a lot of people noticed because normally we're inseparable and touch each other all the time.

He finally speaks to me again when the guards and the maids leave and the door closes behind them. They sense that the Royal couple will have a serious debate so they're quick about it this time.

"Do you see me that way?" Erik whispers, heartbroken. He takes off his tie and collapses on the sofa. "As a human who can't keep promises?"

"Erik, I...," I start and want to hug him but he jerks away.

I freeze. His love for me didn't diminish but I can feel him wavering. He finally sees me as completely non-human. He was convinced that he always did so it surprises him even more. He realises that he was kidding himself the whole time. Despite claiming that he came to terms with me being a totally different race, he was projecting his own concept of humanity on me.

But it was also partly my fault because I was mirroring it back. I clung so desperately to Erik that I wanted to stay human enough for him. I was afraid he wouldn't accept me if I was too alien. And I was right because he's shaken right now to the point of a mental breakdown.

I don't blame him. He's been doing his best for so long, hanging there against all the adversities. This time it might be just too much for him. He has every right to crumble. To change his mind. To back off. To stop loving me and run away.

"Would it be different if you weren't a telepath?" he asks me, his voice cracked. He avoids looking into my eyes and studies his fingers instead.

Oh, right. I'm not just the Celestial Emperor. I'm also... that. I'm a Celestial and something else. I wasn't quite human from the beginning and I tend to forget about it lately because I'm surrounded by people who don't mind. I have no idea how normal people think and perceive the world. I never did.

Erik buries his face in his hands and sobs. I'd love to envelop him in my wings and comfort him but that wouldn't help anything. We're way beyond simple comforting and nice encouraging words to heal the rift widening between us. Dread overcomes me when I realise how fragile our relationship is despite our love being so strong.

What if my telepathy influences him after all? What if he doesn't really want to be with me anymore but our telepathic connection makes him unable to see that? What if me being a telepath is a much bigger problem than me being a Celestial?

Draconians have all kinds of crazy abilities that will seem miraculous and dangerous to humans once we properly level up. Yet, it's my inborn telepathy that would make people, especially politicians, go crazy should they find out about it. Invading one's very mind is a thousand times more threatening than any flashy fire spell or being able to lift a car.

I slowly sit next to Erik but I don't hug him with my wings. I don't want to remind him of my inhuman parts when his emotional state is delicate. I'm watching him hopelessly when his sobbing transforms into crying. His emotions spike and flood over me like a wave. They're human emotions but nothing coming from my beloved could ever make me sick.

He needs more humans around he could talk to. The only other human who's still sticking with us is Julia and Erik isn't exactly fond of her. There's also Hana, Liana's housekeeper, but now that I think about it, I haven't seen her around recently. Did Liana send her back to Germany? I bet Hana must have a family there.

Suddenly, Erik looks up, gently grabs my left wing and snuggles in my feathers. I take it as a signal that I can lean closer and hug him. His mind doesn't resist me anymore which means that Erik doesn't want to keep me out. Still, I don't push and just send him my love.

He's crying into my feathers, his mind full of worries about our future. The idea of the future in which we're not together never came to him before but it does now. He doesn't want to even think about it. I don't want to think about it either. But it's there, bugging in the corner of our minds and it'll probably never leave no matter how much we'll try to ignore it.

I'm comforting him so skilfully that he eventually falls asleep leaning against my shoulder. After a while, the door opens and Cien carefully pries inside to see if we're still talking. When she notices that my partner is sleeping, she comes inside very quietly, bringing us a late dinner. I thank her and dismiss her. I wait a few minutes if the smell of food will wake Erik up but he's sleeping deeply. It was an exhausting day.

I don't want to disturb his peaceful sleep so I decide to try moving him into our bed. I don't have the physical strength necessary to carry him, of course, so I resort to levitation. When Erik's body lightens, I pull him into my arms. It pains me to see him so vulnerable and I'm burning with desire to protect him.

When I was facing those terrorists and locked Erik inside our bedroom, he was furious and hated it. I promised that I won't do anything similar ever again but I have to admit that I blatantly lied. I'd do anything to keep him safe. He's my beloved. My treasure.

Celestials are anxiously protecting me, their Emperor. Naturally, they also protect Erik but I suspect not as fiercely when he's not with me. I have to do something about that. It seems they fail to fully realise that should something happen to my partner—should humans of anyone else hurt him—I'd wage war against them and have no mercy.

I kiss Erik on his forehead to get a taste of his humanity. I can still experience it but it does nothing to me. I don't mind, though. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I'm the Celestial Emperor which comes with certain tendencies but I'm no monster. I still have my conscience so I would never hurt the innocent. I can still love deeply and have all kinds of emotions. I just think about things differently now.

"I love you and that will never change," I whisper and kiss Erik on his lips when I gently put him on the bed.

I keep calming his mind so that he doesn't wake up when I take off his clothes. I quickly undress myself, throwing the layers of my expensive royal attire on the floor without care. Then I pull Erik to my chest and envelop us both into my wings instead of a blanket. I keep caressing his hair until I fall asleep as well.