Draconia Offline vol. 1

36.3. Hurt - Part 3

"So... how angry are you with me?"

These are my first words when I wake up and find that the door is closed and we're actually alone. I guess they finally assessed that I won't do anything funny or have another panic attack that could shatter the building.

"Well," Erik is sitting next to me, working on his laptop and pretending that he's so angry he won't even look at me.

"Eriiiik," I prolong and nudge him.

"I'll tell you if you open up to me again," he states his requirement and puts the laptop away. Then he stares at me, scornfully.

"I... I can't... my mind is ugly," now it's me who looks away.

"Not, it's not," he clicks his tongue impatiently and lies down next to me. "What part of 'you're the hero who saved everyone' didn't get into your thick skull?"

"The whole part I guess," I mumble, embarrassed. I'm no hero. Heroes don't kill even villains, they bring them to justice.

"Ryuu," Erik whispers into my ear, puts his hand between my wings and starts rubbing.

I moan, stop guarding myself and connect to him. It's automatic at this point, Erik conditioned me to react in this way when we cuddle.

My silly angel, your mind is just as beautiful as before, he pushes his love into me. You saved everyone in the skyscraper and as a result you feel bad? What the heck?

B-but what if I'm gradually turning into some angel of wrath? I worry. Erik, it felt good. I felt powerful.

Are you still under the impression that I don't know what Celestials are? he shakes his head. I might tease you with that name but I know quite well by now that you're no angels. But you're no demons either.

O-okay... so... how angry are you with me? Please, answer me properly, I don't want to dig in your mind.

"Very, very angry," he says aloud and grips the feathers between my wings a little bit too forcefully. "So angry that if you weren't injured and unable to move right now, I'd punish you severely. But I can wait."

His tone is menacing but his desire betrays him.

"So... basically... when I recover," I'm trying to summarise it, "you'll fuck me senseless?"

"Basically," he smirks. "I looked up some new positions I'd like to try with you to see if they're possible with Celestials. Call it research."

"Ohhh," I turn red and chuckle. When did he become so sexually adventurous?

"Perfect, I've finally made you laugh," he grins, content. "Now for the serious part. I am angry. I'm angry that you left me behind like some deadweight."

"S-sorry about that," I bury my head under his chin. "I just wanted to protect you."

"And don't you think that I want to protect you as well?" he pinches me lightly under my feathers. "I was locked here for five hours, dammit. Luviael was deaf to my pleas, claiming she was under strict orders from you."

"She was," I confirm. "Please, don't be mad at her."

"And when Liana finally let me out," he continues, "you were already after the operation. You were lying there, breathing so shallow and looking so vulnerable. How was I supposed to feel? You left me in order to protect me and then it's you who gets hurt. Of course, I'm angry."

"Soouurryy," I mumble into his chest.

"You know," he sighs and plays with my hair. "For someone who doesn't want to become the Emperor you surely have a bad habit of taking all the responsibility on your frail shoulders."

He makes me think for a moment. Do I really? I guess... I kind of feel responsible for everyone in the skyscraper. Not only Celestials. Everyone. Do Emi, Deminas, Twyla and Werden also feel that way? Is it something we can't escape as race rulers?

"To be honest, I think others consider only their own race," Erik answers, reading my thoughts I no longer hide from him. "I suspect you're different because you're a telepath so you can't avoid having compassion with everybody. Therefore, I presume," he says rather formally, "it's virtually impossible for you to become an angel of wrath or whatever catastrophic scenarios are going through your pretty head."

"But I killed those people...," I oppose.

"You did it to protect," Erik smells my hair and showers me with kisses. "You didn't have a choice. You're afraid because you felt powerful and good while doing so but that's your Celestial warriorlike nature. You'd never hurt the innocent, right?"

"Of course not," I shake my head violently. "Even for the conquest-hungry Celestials, there's no glory in that. On the contrary, it's shameful."

"You have your answer then," he concludes the topic and our lips connect.

We cuddle for a few minutes but there's not much we can actually do when my ribs are still broken and I can hardly sit up without my head spinning. Because it's almost midnight anyway, we decide to call it a night. Erik didn't sleep much and I can sleep anytime now that I'm recovering.

"Julia left you this, I was supposed to force it down your throat when you wake up," Erik remembers and takes a bottle of another protein drink from the bedside table.

"Can't we just say I drank it?" I plead. "It's not that bad but I can't stand it anymore, she's been feeding it to me nonstop."

"And flush it down the toilet? I don't think so," Erik narrows his eyes and is watching sternly that I'm swallowing. "Julia says that your wings didn't stop growing just because you're injured. You need energy for both your wings and healing now. You probably lost some weight again, skinny."

He's right, I probably did. Maybe I feel so weak for that exact reason. At first, players transforming into Celestials were losing weight rapidly. Our bodies needed to develop hollow bones and get rid of excessive fat that would obstruct future flight. But at later stages that should stop and we're supposed to regain some weight as our wings are growing bigger and bigger. Putting on weight part avoided me entirely, though.

"Let me just brush my teeth, okay?" Erik tells me when he carefully lies me down on my left side after I finish the bottle. He puts a blanket on me as I can't use my wings. "I'll bring you a container with water in a sec."

"Sure, sure," I yawn, hoping I won't fall asleep before he returns so that I can finally brush my teeth as well. I haven't done so since my injury, yuck.

"I guess it's a break for us for now. I hope they won't force me to go to work," he says from the bathroom over the sound of running water.

"I surely hope so, too. I would go crazy without you when I can hardly move," I shout back at him.

Suddenly, Erik appears in the door, his expression bewildered and eyes widened, the toothbrush still in his mouth. He starts choking on it and runs off quickly to spit the toothpaste.

"Hm? You're that afraid Liana would let me stay here just with the guards and send you to work without me?" I don't understand his reaction.

Erik reappears in the door, his expression just as wild as a few seconds ago.

"Ryuu," he looks at me with alarm in his eyes. "I didn't say anything. At least not aloud."

"WHAT?!"