Draconia Offline vol. 1

32.3. Acknowledged - Part 3

I try to focus on work but I keep thinking about Erik. He doesn't show up at lunch, he doesn't show up when he's supposed to be doing his own tasks. His chair next to me stays empty as a dark reminder that I took his presence for granted. But would it help if I appreciated him even more and was telling him every hour how much I love him?

"Aefener, you're driving me crazy," Emi sighs and stops my hand.

I look at her, confused, but thank to direct touch, I can read the source of her irritation—I've been hitting the table with my digital pen for several minutes already.

"Sorry," I murmur.

I've been trying to bury myself in work but anxiety always finds some way how to manifest itself. I know that distracting oneself helps most people but it never worked for me. I blame it on my telepathy. I'm used to it, of course, but I do realise that my brain functions abnormally.

I always think in two different regimes: the usual thinking processes and my telepathy I can't switch off. It's impossible for me not to feel everyone around me. The best I can do is to make it ambient. But right now everyone's nervous and that only makes my anxiety stronger.

*****

I look forward to the end of the day, hoping I'd find Erik in our apartment. But when I arrive, I only find several Draconians still re-designing. They smile at me and... bow. Honestly, it sends shivers down my spine. Is this going to become a new norm? Luviael sits on the sofa as if she's at home here and continues working on her laptop, murmuring that she must go through my tomorrow's agenda.

I stare blankly at all those people invading my private space and my heart sinks. I can't do this. Not without Erik. He was always the extroverted one opening me. He might have stopped being my bridge to humanity but he was still my anchor, helping me deal with my social anxiety.

"Are you okay, Your Majesty?" Miruel gently touches my left wing because she's supporting me instead of my boyfriend. "Dinner should be here in ten minutes."

"Not hungry," I shake my head and before anyone can react, I gently push Miruel aside and disappear in the bedroom. Sound-proof apartments are bliss, I can't hear anyone when I close the door. I can still feel them, though.

I collapse on the bed because I overstrained myself with those few steps on my own—the bed that Erik chose for me. Our whole apartment is being remade to suit my new special needs. Was my boyfriend even taken into consideration? And did Erik consider himself when he was trying to surprise me with these adjustments? I'm so selfish while he's so selfless. I don't deserve him.

I snuggle, enveloping myself in my wings like a security blanket. Despite wearing a four-layered robe, I suddenly feel cold. I try manipulating the air to raise the temperature and it's surprisingly easy to do. My mana is flowing out of my body, warming the room. How magical. How miraculous. But I can't get excited about it without Erik by my side. Being able to do magic just for my sake seems pointless.

Telepathically checking the skyscraper again, I assure myself that Erik is indeed still inside but he's too far for me to find out how he really feels. This might be the last straw and he might be thinking about leaving. That prospect scares me shitless and I start shaking. I've always been an overthinker but it doesn't sound too improbable, right?

My eyes water and I hate myself for being so weak and dependent on him. I don't understand why dealing with the prominent EU officials did almost nothing to me but thinking about losing my boyfriend brings me on the verge of a panic attack. Which reminds me that I didn't have one in almost forever. Well, here it is now... in full force.

Trying to breathe deeply in and out is harder than it sounds when one's heart is beating wildly. I snuggle even tighter, making myself a feathered cocoon. This isn't the worst episode I've ever had but I feel strangely alone even with all those people just a few metres away in the living room.

I'd always been alone but when I discovered how it feels like to have someone, having it taken away is twice as devastating. My consciousness fades away eventually but it doesn't give me any rest because I'm still frantically searching for Erik in my dreams.