Dirty Little Player (Book 4) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Three-Gideon

Hello, Lovelies, 

I hope everyone is having a great day.  We are having a snow day.  I'm sorry this is a bit late.  I had to handle some issues at my special needs son's school.  Don't worry.  Those things are handled and better.  Thank you for your patience.  

I do hope you enjoy this chapter.  If you do, please vote and/or comment.  

XXXXX Amanda 

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I stared at the ceiling taking in the shadows crossing the wall. Pans clashing in the kitchen let me know Lance was still there. I could only hope Becca had taught him how to cook. Otherwise, I may end up dead from food poisoning.

I sat up groaning as I thought of everything I had learned the night before. I clenched my hands into fists as I thought of the life I could have had if I hadn't stupidly waited for Laura to come to me. All the girls I had hurt in my life assaulted me as I realized how used they must have felt.

I shook my head, determined never to make anyone feel that way again as I stood. I took a deep breath staring at myself in the mirror.

Sometimes, it was a curse to you and everyone else to know you were desirable. I had hurt people all to try to gain the attention of someone who never really wanted me.

I closed my eyes thinking of those other girls. Their faces were hazy in my memory and I wasn't sure if I could recognize most of them if they stood in front of me. Shame flooded me because I had witnessed some of them cry and didn't lift a finger to comfort them because I was too hung up on Laura. The only one who had seen me for what I had become was Carina.

I opened my eyes. Carina...She was my one temptation while waiting for Laura. There was something about her...Darkness that matched mine kept me from pushing for her to give in to my charms. I relished in her hate of me because it meant that I wouldn't give in to the temptation.

Now though...There was a part of me that wished I had given in and showed her that I wasn't always the bad guy she thought I was. My heart clenched in my chest as I shook my head. She didn't deserve the chaos I would bring to her life.

No...I would still resist the urge to be with her. It was the only thing I could do.

I pulled on my clothes, ready to face the world where I would be alone because I didn't want to ruin the life of the only other girl besides Laura who had captured my interest.

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It took a while to convince Lance I was alright. It was almost dinner time when he left. Almost as soon as he did, I walked out of the house, determined to have some comfort food at Becca's restaurant.

As soon as I walked in, I inhaled taking in the rich scent of food feeling better almost immediately. A giggle at the hostess podium caused me to narrow my eyes. Nica stood there shaking her head.

"I've never seen someone look so euphoric about the scent of food," She chuckled. "You must be starving."

I grinned. "I'm famished."

"Well, it's slow today. I'll take you to the best table in the house," she smiled, leading me toward my favorite window seat."

"Your server will be right out," she said, a mischievous twinkle in her eye.

I didn't have time to think about why that twinkle was in her eyes before Carina walked out. A smile was across her face but the moment she saw me she paused, the smile slipping away. My heart ached wishing that she could smile just once in my presence without it seeming forced.

She shook herself, her dark ponytail rippling as she that forced smile lifted her lips. "I will be your server tonight. My name is Carina. Would you like to hear our specials?"

I pursed my lips. "I know your name and yes, I would like to hear your specials."

She grit her teeth as she fought to keep that false smile on her face. "We have a superb filet minon with mushroom risotto and a lemon basted salmon with wild rice. If you would like our vegan options, there are spicy cauliflower tacos or creamy pasta primavera."

I smiled as her cheeks brightened. "What would you recommend?"

She straightened fighting to keep her composure. "I would recommend the lemon basted salmon. It's one of my favorite dishes."

I raised my brow. Never in our time together did she ever offer anything about herself. I had to work for every detail.

"Then, I'll have the salmon," I said, "And a glass of sauvignon Blanc. Becca knows my favorite."

She almost stomped away but straightened her back and forced herself to walk slowly. A pang hit my heart even though I knew it was best for her to hate me.

Nica walked over to my table her brows raised. "How have you been?"

I shrugged. "It's been better but I'll get there." I glanced toward the bar where Carina was giving my drink order to the bartender. "She seems pleasant today."

Nica shook her head. "This time it's not all you. She's going through something so don't take it personal."

I almost asked what was wrong with her but the door opened and Nica made her way back to the hostess podium. I frowned, wondering what had happened. She made her way back to me with a bottle of wine, pouring it into the glass before me.

She forced that smile again as she wished me a pleasant meal. Even through whatever pain she was going to she did her job, making sure I had everything I needed during my meal. When she brought me the check she nodded once and left the table.

I glanced toward Nica, wondering what she meant by Carina going through a hard time. I glanced at the check realizing that the hard time Carina may be going through may be financial.

My heart clenched. I didn't want to be viewed as an asshole anymore. I took out my wallet finding three hundred dollars. I signed the check adding two hundred more to the tip on my credit card, then put the three hundred in my wallet in the black folder.

I rose, nodding toward Nica as she walked past me with new customers and walked out to my car. As I started my car, I saw Carina come out the door, the money in her hand, her eyes wide in confusion as I put my car into drive and drove away.

I sighed, hoping the money would help her as I headed home, my heart hurt with the change from the apathetic asshole I had been to one who had some kind of fucking decency because behind it all would be the guilt of those I had hurt in the past.