Dirty Little Player (Book 4) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Nine/ Gideon

She was exhausted, only making it half-way through the movie before her head fell against my shoulder falling asleep. I moved from her, gently laying her on the couch before sitting in a chair across from her, watching her sleep as I tried to figure out my jumbled thoughts.

There had been panic when I heard her sobbing on the phone...Panic I hadn't experienced since Laura but it was different...Stronger. When I had panicked over Laura, it was the worry she would harm herself or her parents would hurt her. It was almost like being forced out of fear and the guilt if I didn't. With Carina it wasn't forced. I wanted to be with her...To help her through what was hurting her.

My lip trembled as I recollected what she had confided in me. My eyes traced the slope of her nose, her high cheekbones and her full soft lips, wondering how she could have ever been convinced she wasn't good enough. She was perfect.

I winced because I realized exactly what that meant for me. I was in love. I had probably been in love with her for a long time but it had been covered up by the irrational guilt I experienced over feeling anything for anybody but Laura.

I closed my eyes as I recollected every time Laura had accused me of not caring and the guilt and panic that swamped me each time. I was ashamed of promising her that she would always be the one for me, pushed to make that promise out of panic that she would harm herself if I left.

Lance had warned me that she was manipulative but I didn't listen out of fear...Out of guilt. Now, I had wasted time and shown this woman the worst of me.

She shifted on the couch, her eyes sliding open, staring at me. Slowly, she sat up, running her hand through her hair.

"I'm so sorry," she said, shaking her head. "First, you have to deal with my ugly crying and now, I've fallen asleep."

I smiled, wanting to rip out my heart and hand it to her. "Do you feel better?"

She tilted her head, studying me. "I do. Maybe being your friend is not as bad as I thought it would be."

I forced a smile when she called me a friend because I wanted to be so much more to her.

"Then, you won't mind that I still insist we go somewhere tomorrow," I grinned. "After all, a deal is a deal."

"I never thought I would say this, but I don't mind," she said, raising a brow. "Are we still going for coffee?"

"If that's what you want to do," I said, willing to be anywhere she was as often as possible.

She narrowed her eyes. "How do you feel about a museum instead?"

I blinked, realizing she was extending our time together. "I didn't realize that you like art?"

She shifted. "I wanted to be an artist. I almost went to art school but I couldn't afford it. This apartment used to be covered in my artwork but it hurts too much to keep it up when I will never be able to reach my goals."

Her cheeks were tinted a pretty pink and I realized she was embarrassed because she had given another piece of herself to me. My lips twitched. "Only Lance knows this," I said, shrugging, "But I draw."

I wouldn't tell her that she had been my subject multiple times. I didn't know how she would feel about that. I feared it would push her away.

Her eyes lit up. "You do?"

I nodded. "It's how I journal things in my life."

"So, a lot of naked ladies?" She asked, causing me to wince. I knew she was joking but I wanted her to see me as more than a man who bedded multiple women.

She frowned, taking in my face. "That bothered you," she shook her head. "You're trying to change and I brought that up. I'm sorry."

My eyes widened. "It's my fault you think that."

"No, you deserve the chance to change," she said, raising her chin. "I realize you're trying. You rushed to my house so I wouldn't be alone and fed me."

I chuckled. "Feeding you seems to be a big deal," I said, shaking my head. "You need to raise your standards."

"You listened to me," she whispered. "That means more to me than you know."

I narrowed my eyes. She was worth more than she understood and I was going to show her that. It made me wonder how many times she settled for the bare minimum of attention, loyalty and love. It pissed me off because she should be cherished.

Worse, I realized how easy it would be to get her to accept me...To love me but I wasn't going to accept that. I decided I was going to show her that she was worth more and I wouldn't let her make her move without earning it.

I swallowed, realizing her feelings were already softening toward me from the small things I had done.

I nodded. "We'll go to the museum...Any museum you want."

Her smile widened. "Really?"

"Really," I said, nodding. A plan formed in my mind. "We'll eat after and maybe get that coffee."

She almost bounced on the couch. "I haven't been to a museum in years." She sighed trying to contain her excitement. "I'm really looking forward to this."

I nodded, my heart aching. How could she be so happy when it was apparent no one had supported her dreams by doing something as simple as taking her to a fucking museum?

I took a deep breath. "I'll pick you up tomorrow afternoon after you get off of work."

She nodded as I rose. She grabbed my wrist, her eyes wide. "Thank you."

"Carina, you don't have to thank me. This is less than you deserve," I said, trying to ignore the tingle that raced up my arm.

She frowned. Her eyes darkened as she puzzled over my words as she released my wrist. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon," I said, giving her a crooked smile and walked out the door.

I pulled out my phone, dialing my assistant, Ace. He answered on the first ring. "I need a few things. I need to find the best art museum within a hundred miles."

"I can do that," he said, tersely. "What else do you need?"

I gave him the rest of the instructions for the next day before hanging up. I straightened, deciding that friendship would never be enough with Carina but before I would accept a relationship with her, I was going to earn it.

"