Dirty Little Player (Book 4) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Six/ Carina

I stared at Gideon as he drove me home, trying to figure out what he was up to. My mind was a mess twisting around his requests. The first, I realized was for my safety but the second, I couldn't trust because he may be using it so he could take advantage of me like he had so many women before me.

"I know I'm pretty but you really shouldn't stare," he said, chuckling. "It's rude."

"How can you be so sure of yourself?" I asked, raising my brow. "Maybe not everyone thinks you're pretty."

His lips twitched, rising in a half-grin. "Are you saying I'm not pretty?"

I narrowed my eyes. "Physically, you are but I believe it's your personality that's lacking."

He chuckled. "You barely know me."

"I know you use charm to get what you want," I said, thinking of Evan who had done the same thing. My face pinched as my head started aching again. "Men like you collect broken hearts."

He glanced at me, taking me in before turning back to the road, his hands gripping the wheel tightly. "That sounds like it's more than just me that you're angry at. Who was he?"

I winced, realizing I had given away too much. I shrugged trying to seem unbothered. "His name was Evan. He was my fiancée."

"Well, I'm not like Evan," he said, rolling his shoulders. "At least, I'm trying not to be."

"What about the string of broken hearts you left behind?" I asked, raising my brow.

He was silent for a few moments and I assumed he wouldn't answer but a few moments later he spoke, his voice saturated with so much guilt and pain that my heart ached and I regretted asking the question. "I would take it all back if I could. I would find them all and apologize. I would do anything to make them feel better but I can't."

I raised my brow. The guilt swirling through me made my body ache. I sighed. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

He shrugged as his face darkened. "Don't be. You spoke the truth and I deserved it."

I shook my head. "Not if you are truly trying to change." I shifted. "Most people who say they are trying to change, don't even try. They say it to make their past deeds not seem so bad but if you're one of the few who are trying, you don't deserve your past thrown in your face. You deserve a chance to prove yourself."

The shadows in his face faded away as his smile tilted back up his face. "That's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"Well, you aren't being a complete asshole, right now," I said, giving him a weak smile.

"Just a little bit of an asshole?" He asked, grinning.

I nodded as he pulled in front of my apartment building. He glanced at me. "Do you want me to walk you up?"

I chuckled. "I can manage," I said, raising a brow. "It's going to take me a while to get used to this."

He nodded. "Maybe I should ease you into it," he said, his eyes sparkling with mischief. "I'll see you on Friday, Princess."

I shook my head and stepped out of the car. "I'll see you Friday."

I watched him drive away, realizing how close to danger my heart was.

***********

I took a shower, going to my cabinet and taking the alcohol down from the shelf. One of the promises that Gideon had extracted from me was for me not to drink to excess again.

Shame slid through me. Over the last few months, my anger and loneliness had pushed me to want to forget. A few drinks had become a few more. The ability to make my mind empty became the way I coped. Though I wasn't an alcoholic, I was pushing the line of becoming one. I didn't want to become one.

I shook my head and unscrewed the tops before pouring the amber liquid in the bottles down the sink. I wrinkled my nose at the strong pungent scent as the fear that I wouldn't be able to handle the emotions that would swamp me in the hours by myself shook through me.

My phone rang and I stared down at the number. Gideon's name and face popped up on the screen, his name under UR BEST FRIEND. I frowned wondering how he gained access to my phone.

I answered. "You know that's a huge invasion of privacy," I said, shaking my head. "It's a real asshole thing to do."

"I didn't look at your naughty pics," he said, chuckling. "Tempting as it was. But I thought you might need my number."

I blew out a breath. "I'll forgive you this time," I said, rolling my eyes. "But don't do it again."

"I won't," he said at least appearing ashamed for a moment. "I have a question about Friday and forgot to ask."

"What's that?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

"Well, I don't want to hang out at the club," he said and then, sighed. "I know it's going to seem like a date but is coffee or dinner okay?"

I chuckled. "Friends go to coffee and dinner together, Gideon."

He was silent for a few moments. "I wouldn't know. Besides my brother, Asher and Jay, I don't really have friends. To be honest, they are family."

My heart clenched at the loneliness twisting through his voice. I understood exactly what he meant. As much as I loved Asher and Lena, Lance and Becca and Nica and Jay, they were all couples in love. I always felt like the odd one out when around them.

"I understand what you mean," I said.

"I thought you were at the club with friends," he said, confused.

I sighed. "They aren't close. I rarely see them or hang out with them. They are probably very close to the same relationship you have with people you work with."

"I have a lot of those friends," he said on a sigh.

A knock sounded at the door and I walked toward it. "I'll see you on Friday, okay?" I said, staring at the door, frowning. "Someone just knocked on the door."

"I'll see you then," he said and then, the line went dead.

I opened the door finding my mother. I glanced toward the kitchen where I had just poured out the remnants of my way to deal before facing her. My heart was clenching in my chest as she narrowed her eyes at me.

As usual she was dressed to perfection. Her hair was twisted into a French twist. Her chin was tilted up, telling me that she was here to be stubborn.

"I need to speak to you about Nicola," she said, causing my heart to pang because she had never liked me. The anger that she always chose Nicola over me began to rise.

"No, you don't, Mother," I said, raising my chin hoping I appeared just as stubborn as she did. "I have spent my whole life having conversations about Nicola with you. I won't have another one."

I backed away from her to close the door but she put her hand on the door, stopping me.

"She's pregnant with Evan's child. I want to make sure you won't cause problems for them," she said, narrowing her eyes on me.

I scoffed. "I won't cause problems for them or for you," I spat out. "You're not welcome here anymore, mother. Don't come again."

Her hand fell to her chest as if I had hurt her. I closed the door in her face. The tears I had held in fell down my cheeks. The guilt that was always there burned in my chest shaking through me. I wondered if I was a horrible person for shutting my mother out of my life. I shook my head as I sank to the floor and allowed the emotions to roll over me, ripping me apart for the first time in months.