Dirty Little Player (Book 4) The Dirty Little Secrets Series

Chapter Eight/Carina

I curled up on my couch, my face red and swollen. As much as my mother had hurt me, guilt still rolled through me for cutting her from my life. My stomach twisted as I allowed the emotions I kept trapped behind the smiles, the biting remarks and the false bravery to cut me like a knife as memories flowed through me.

She hated me. That was okay. I was beginning to hate me too. I was never as beautiful, smart, or driven as Nicola. No matter how much I tried, I could never match up to her expectations of me. I always disappointed her. In her eyes, I never deserved anything. Nicola was the only one who did.

I called into work, feigning sickness for the first time since working at Becca's restaurant. Again, I had let someone down. I curled up on the couch, wishing for some comfort...Someone who would listen...Someone who understood what it was like not to be enough.

My phone rang and I found Gideon's face smiling at me from my phone screen. I shouldn't have answered but the desperation of needing someone to care, swamped me and my finger slid over the button. Besides, the asshole would call until I answered.

"Gideon?" I said, frowning as the familiar sounds of the restaurant traveled through the line.

"I'm at the restaurant. Nica told me you were sick." The concern in his voice caused my heart to clench. When did he grow to care about what happened to me?

"It's just a cold," I lied, wanting to take away his worry. "I'll be there tomorrow."

"A cold?" He asked but I could tell he didn't believe me.

"Yeah," I whispered as rustling sounded through the line.

"I don't believe you," he said, causing my chest to get tight. "You've been crying."

A sob pushed from me as tears fell down my cheeks, unable to hold back all the pain.

"I'm coming over," he said, the desperate concern in his voice, causing me to shake. Why should he care about my tears? I shook my head because I couldn't deny that he did.

"Okay," I said, trembling. My shoulders slumped forward, feeling so weak.

A few moments later, a car's engine roared through the line. "I'll be there in twenty."

The line went dead as I curled up on the couch wondering if I had just made a big mistake but I couldn't regret it when the thought of being alone with my emotions falling on me terrified me more than losing my pride.

I stared at the phone until it went dark, a shimmer of hope sliding through me. Even if it was Gideon, at least I knew I wouldn't be alone tonight.

**********

A knock sounded at the door and I pulled myself from the couch and slouched to the door. I was a mess but I didn't care. I only cared about ending my loneliness.

I opened the door, finding Gideon's concerned face. To his credit, he didn't flinch at my swollen, red face or my tangled hair. He stepped toward me, his blue eyes mirroring my pain.

"I brought some chicken soup," he said, holding up the familiar bags we used at Becca's restaurant. "I'm assuming you haven't eaten."

I rubbed my hands over my eyes and shook my head. "Not since yesterday," I whispered, wondering why I was being so honest with the man who had annoyed and pissed me off for years.

I moved to the side and allowed him into my apartment. He glanced around as if searching for the reason I was so upset. He wouldn't find it here. I had effectively erased all hints of my mother, sister and Evan from my life.