𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

7. unsure and unfocused

"Hey. Quit drooling over my brother and help me with this question instead." Fred nudges me out of my daydream. It's been this way for awhile now. Ever since I made up with George, I've been feeling extra nervous around him. Every time we make eye contact across the hall or his hand accidentally brushes against mine, I get all flushed and I can't seem to think straight.

George Weasley has too much power over me and he doesn't even know it.

"What?—I'm not drooling. I'm not", I get into a defensive mode, trying to convince myself as much as Fred that I'm not in fact ogling his twin whenever I see him.

"Sure you're not", he says, grinning and rolling his eyes as if I don't notice.

I know my feelings for George have grown. I know I won't be able to keep them locked inside me for much longer, but I can't help but be scared. I'm terrified that if the truth comes out, everything will be ruined. That George will feel uncomfortable, that our entire friendship will go to shambles and that he and Fred would not want to keep being friends with me. Even though I know its probably for the best that I tell him, if not for his sake then for the sake of my own sanity, I don't want to know what will happen once I do.

What if everything's ruined for good?

What if George finds it absolutely mortifying and wishes to stop seeing me all together?

What if he shuts me down completely and decides I'm not worth being friends with?

I couldn't take that. My heart would surely break. I would break. My whole world would fall apart.

Still, a part of me—-a part I often find to be unreasonable—-wonders what It would be like if he did feel the same way. If George found out how I felt about him and decided he felt the same. That would surely cause my heart to combust, and if so, out of pure love for him.

"Just tell him how you feel already.", Fred murmurs, pretending to read whatever book he's got laying in front of him. It's quite a funny scene actually, since the twins rarely study. I guess they only came to the library with me to bug me. Still, I can't help but find their company to be distracting from whatever anxious feeling I have about my upcoming careers meeting.

I'm seeing professor Flitwick tomorrow about my life after Hogwarts and I haven't got a clue of what I want to do once I graduate. Do I want to work with tending to people's wounds and illnesses or do I want to catch dark wizards? Am I interested in different kinds of dragon breeds or am I leaning towards a career in the academic world? I have no idea, and it's gotten to a point where I'm freaking out over it.

"I won't", I say "because there's nothing to say It's an obvious lie. There's plenty to be said, but I don't want Fred to keep pestering me about it.

Ever since Alfie told me about the reason why they ghosted me all summer and the Order of the Phoenix, I've been bugging them to tell me more. All I really know is that it's a society that was formed back in the day to stand against Voldemort and his followers and that the twins and him are a part of it. That's it. So I've come to the conclusion, that in order for me to find out more about it, I have to keep asking them, and believe me, I've been asking quite a lot. In fact, I'm slowly staring to see results. I think they'll tell me more before summer. Hopefully.

And as far as George and me goes, well, I guess you could say I've done little to no progress. I am very much stuck in the friendship zone still,  and as much as I appreciate being there, it's dawning on me, that I'll go insane if things don't change soon. It's not that I'm unhappy just being friends with him, no I'd much rather stay this way than have us try and be more and it not working, I just can't help but feel like I at least deserve to know; does he feel the same? Or is it all in my head? Because I've heard more than once and from more than one person, that George looks at me differently. That he looks at me not in the way that a friend does, but in a way that someone who likes someone else does, and it's gotten me thinking. Maybe there's some truth to what they're saying, maybe he thinks of me the way I do him.

Maybe George fancies me.

And then there are other times, times where I'm not so sure. Times when I'm reminded of the fact that no one could ever think of me that way. Times when I tell myself that I'm a fool, a fool for thinking he could ever feel about me the way I do him. Because I'm just me. Just plain old Mia Rune. The twins best friend. George's best friend and nothing more.

"Hey, you lot done already? I'm getting quite bored over here", George says loudly, earning us a death glare from Madame Pince. He stands far too close to me for my heart to beat at a normal pace. His face close to mine, his breath hot on my neck and his hand close to mine on the table. In that moment, all  I want to do is stand up, grab him by the collar and slam my lips onto his. But I can't. I'm too much of a coward to do so, and besides, the library's probably not the best place to confess your feelings for your best friend.

"Yeah, I'm just finishing up, and if Fred's done doing absolutely nothing—"

"Hey! I did something—"

"Yeah what? Pretending to copy my notes and then fall asleep halfway through? Yeah, you really payed attention". I grin, knowing there's no way in hell either one of them was really in the library to study, but rather to annoy me to no end.

"That's.., exactly it", he replies, chuckling.

"Hmm, thought so", I smile, laughing under my breath as we pack our things (well my things) to head out of the library.

"So—where to next boys?", I say, throwing my arms around their lanky figures, which is pretty much their waists, since I can't for the life of my reach their shoulders. They're both much taller than me, and it makes it look quite funny when I stand in between them. They almost look like my personal body guards, which to be honest, isn't too bad. Besides, I pretty much consider them to be my body guards, since they always have my back.

"That's for us to know and you to find out", George grins, dragging me down the hallway.