𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

39. once all of this is over

"I don't think I can do this anymore."

"What, love?"

George looks down at me with an evident frown on his face. I can tell he's growing increasingly worried of my stressed out state, and I want for nothing else than to rid him of that worry.

I just can't seem to stop thinking about all the ways in which this could have all gone differently.

"I mean—I can't stop thinking about Alfie. What if he's been found? What if, I don't know, he's gone and gotten himself killed or—or if he's being tortured by the Death Eaters as we speak?", I word-vomit, missing taking breaks to make sure I am even breathing properly. I can't even begin to describe the feelings I have currently; it's all just so messed up and I don't know how to make myself not panic. "I know, because of his blood, that he's an easy target for You-Know-Who's followers. He shouldn't be on his own like this, George." Tears stream down my face and I try desperately to wipe them away but they just keep coming. I'm such a mess right now, and even though I've spent the last couple of days in the arms of the one person I love most in this world, I can't focus on anything but the guilt and pain of leaving Alfie behind. "I messed up, abandoning him like that, and I can't help but feel like I'm a terrible friend. God—I should be there!"

It's been a little more than a week since I last saw one fourth of our friend group, and it's killing me inside, knowing he might be in even more danger because of me. I was being reckless, and I should've brought him with me, forcing him if I had to, no matter his protests. At least then, we would've been together. At least then, I could've kept an eye on him.

When I swallow, I swallow a lump in my throat the size of a apple, and it's all because I feel so extremely guilty. Here I am, sleeping comfortable in bed at night, alongside my boyfriend, being served food on the table each morning and with no need to worry if I'll have a roof over my head in the next few days. All while Alfie might be forced to spend his nights in that damned forrest, hunting for scraps and not knowing what's gonna happen, if he might get caught by Death Eaters or not.

He's all alone, and it's entirely my fault.

And the award for worst best friend of the year goes to...

"You know you're the most amazing person I know, right?" George comments, smiling as he embraces me in a warm hug that has me even more emotional. I cling to him like a desperate child, wanting to never leave the comfort of his arms. "This war—it-it's messing with all our heads.", he sighs and I revel at the familiarity of his skin against mine. "You can't blame yourself for whatever choices you make at a time like this, especially when we have no idea how it's going to end. Alfie will be alright, love, and I promise you, he won't let your desperation to find us hang over you forever. I'm sure he understands why you did it."

He places a warm kiss to my head, and another one to my lips. I answer in kind, realising how desperate I am to be even closer to him.

"George—hmph—", I murmur against his lips, "we shouldn't—" I smile, "your brother and Andy and—"

After placing a final kiss to my cheek, he reluctantly lets go of me. "Fine", he pouts, and I can't help but think how utterly adorable my boyfriend really is. "But I expect us to continue this later, yeah?"

I let out a snort, my cheeks flaring, and my mind going places I realise it's been going quite  often recently. All to do with a certain tall and lanky red head...

(...)

I wake up one morning to the lovely chirps of blackbirds singing outside the window of Andromeda Tonks' house. Wrapped around a warm body I've come to know all too well, I find myself smiling, thinking about what it would be like if we won this God forsaken war. My mind goes to places I've only ever visited in recent times and it's crazy how badly I want it all to come true.

Once all of this is over, I'll apply to Wizard law school.

I'll learn to paint and drive a car.

I'll set up Alfie with one of my muggle friends.

I'll introduce George to mum properly.

I'll travel the world and get a dog and buy a house, where hopefully George would want to live with me one day.

I'll cut my hair and make time to read more books.

I'll tell George I want to spend the rest of my life with him and no one else.

Once all of this is over, I'll start living.

"You alright, love? It's still early."

Just who I was thinking of.

I smile at his morning voice, thinking about how badly I want to be waking up to him every morning for the rest of my days and fall asleep in his arms each night.

He wraps his arms around my waist while I'm still seated, lying his head in the crook of my neck. He feels so unbelievably warm against me, his skin starting a fire inside me that hasn't been put out for too long.

In fact, it's been more or less burning since last nights activities in this very bed.

I smile at the memories of our bodies intertwining.

He presses a kiss to my shoulder, his eyes still closed.

"I'm fine", I realise I may be trying to convince myself just as much as him of the fact that I'm not currently completely freaking out about all of this. "Let's just go back to bed."

I fall back onto the bed, lifting the covers back over us as I settle between his arms.

"I love you", I whisper against his chest. And I need us both to survive this.

"I love you." He affirms, and I fall back asleep with a smile on my face.

—

The War's approaching... What will happen to our main characters once they're thrown onto the battlefield?

To be continued...