𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

20. the pink toad

"This can't be happening." I let my head fall into my book as I'm trying not to break under the stress of knowing that pink toad has just been made Headmistress. "This. Can't. Be happening."

"Afraid so. I guess she must have the Ministry wrapped around her little fat finger." Fred mutters, frowning. I've been trying to get some of my homework done for the last couple of hours, but it's easier said then done when you have three seventeen year old boys hovering over you, trying to get you to laugh. As always, my many attempts at acting unfazed and focus on my work prove futile, and I'm left an even more annoyed mess.

Alfie snarls. "Yeah, and without our dear old Dumbledore around to hold the reigns, who knows what will happen to the school?"

I let out an annoyed huff, not caring enough about the many students looking angrily our way to quiet down the boys. Instead, I find myself wondering where a certain someone might be hiding.

Things between George and me have been kind of weird since we last talked about our relationship that night we spent at the top of the Astronomy Tower. A part of me is glad that we're on speaking terms yet again, however, I can't help but feel like things between us will probably never be the same, and I don't really know how I feel about that. I want to be more than friends, and now that I know he feels the same way about me as I do him I can't help but wonder if we'll ever move on from that stage or if we're always going to be in this awkward in-between.

You're my best friend in the entirely world, and I don't want to compromise that. I'm afraid, that if we do this, and if goes south, that we'll end up despising one another. And I can't take that risk.

His words echo in my mind pretty much constantly, and it's like I can't think of anything else but the sound of his voice and the feel of his lips on mine. He's always there, in the back of my mind, and I don't know how I'll ever be able to fair without that boy.

I love him, yet I can't have him. Not in the way I need.

George Weasley has captured my heart, he has stolen it for himself, and I'm not sure I'll ever get it back.

So whenever he's around, I feel myself straighten my spine to try and act as unbothered and normal as possible, and whenever he speaks to me I attempt to smile and pretend as if things are okay between the two of us. I don't know if he knows I'm simply putting up an act and is sharing in my feelings at all, or if he's completely oblivious to what is happening with me. However it may be, I still don't know if I'll ever be able to go back to the way things were before, and by before, I mean when he hadn't expressed his feelings for me and before we ever kissed. It's just not possible at this point, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure I want things to go back to the way they were.

Oh who am I kidding? Of course I don't want that.

What I want, is for him to tell me what's
going on in his head.

What I want is for us to be together.

But how can I expect him to want the same, when he's the one who expressed his worries about us getting together in the first place?

What I want; is him.

So why does it feel like he's miles away?

Why does it feel like he's moving farther and father away from me as time goes on?

(...)

By Christmas break, I'm practically losing it worrying about staying under the same roof as him. It hurts really, because I've never had to worry about that before. I've always just been so comfortable around him, even when I first started realising to what extent my feelings went. So I can't help but feel broken up about it, wondering if things will be as awkward as I feel they have been during the semester or if he'll finally get around to talking to me again. I mean, really talk to me. Not just exchanging 'hey's in between classes, and teaming up with the boys to tease me about my OWL obsession. I want him to feel comfortable looking in my eyes again without having to look away the minute I look back into his. I want us to be able to speak to one another without it being awkward or feel like we've left things unsaid.

Fortunately, no one else in the Weasley family, except for the twins, seem to take notice of me and George's changing relationship, which leaves us without having to explain it to anyone. I can't even picture the look on Molly and Arthur's faces had they learnt of our lip locking at the tower last semester.

This doesn't mean that I don't spend the first few days of Christmas break worrying about them. This whole thing with the order, Sirius Black, and Harry Potter has me lying awake most nights, wondering what will happen once my best friends are forced to take part in whatever plans they have to bring down one of the darkest wizards of all time. Seated at the dinner table at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, I swallow a bite of steak and kidney pie, my eyes tracing back and forth between the people speaking.

"Hey. You okay?", I feel George carefully nudge my side with his elbow. He looks at me, a worried expression across his face.

I give him a halfhearted smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. You?"

He puts his hand on my knee under the table, and I feel my cheeks grow flushed from the tiny act of affection. It's small things like these, that make it impossible for me not to fall harder for him.

He looks down at me, returning my smile.

"Yeah. So long as you're here, I know I'll be fine."

—-

I know I know, many things about this story aren't canon compliant, such as our main character taking her OWL:s in year six and Arthur being attacked by Nagini. I'm well aware. Hopefully though, you guys will be able to overlook it for the sake of the story.