𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

17. honestly, confused

I spend what feels like a whole eternity in my bed. I don't leave the girl dormitories for anything but to grab food from the kitchens when I'm hungry, which isn't too often, and I miss out on more classes than I have ever done before. I know what I'm probably worrying Luna and the others by staying cooped up like this, but I just can't seem to find the courage to face anyone right now. Not Luna. Not Alfie. Not Fred. Not Lee.

And certainly not George.

Ever since his heartfelt confession, I've been trying to figure out what it is that I want. Of course, I've more or less always know what I want, I just don't know if I can trust any of the words he just told me.

I've loved George Weasley for what feels like forever, and now he's told me he feels the same.  What am I supposed to do with this information?

I'm conflicted. I don't know whether to laugh or try cry, and I certainly have no idea how to approach him after this.

I've always been living with the notion of George not reciprocating my feelings for him. I've always been more or less certain of the fact, living with the pain of knowing. So naturally, finding all of this out, has me in a state of denial.

Because there's no way he could possibly feel about me as I do him. Right?!

Not when he's George Weasley and I'm, well—me.

The guys' best friend since forever and the one who beat him at underwater handstands when we were little, resulting in him sulking for three days straight.

I'm the girl who was forced to watch him go through puberty, the one who stood at the side, watching him fall in love with other girls. Watching him be happy with them, and knowing that that would never be me.

So of course I can't wrap my head around whatever just happened. I've been so lost in my own head for the last couple of years, so consumed by my love for him and utterly convinced he'd never feel the same, that I can't really believe him.

I can't.

This whole thing feels to me like a prank. A practical joke the boys have put on me for whatever reason. It can't possibly be true, there has to be another explanation. Because nothing about this makes any sense whatsoever.

It just can't be.

"Hellooo. Earth to Mia. What's going on with you?". The day that I finally make an appearance outside of the girls dormitories and specifically my bed, I'm met by worrying glances, curious questions, and waving hands in front of my face whenever I zone out.

I say nothing at first, clearing my throat instead and putting up the performance of a lifetime, pretending I'm completely okay and not at all reeling from the aftermath of George confessing that he's in love with me.

Speaking of George, I've not seen him at all today, which I find to be quite relieving as I don't know what I would say to him if I did.

"Uh—yeah. Nothing. N-nothing's going on", I stutter my words, trying to blink away the daydream I just got lost in. It was more or less a dream consisting of real memories of me and George. I've been trying to figure out if there were any signs, any at all that would have given away the possibility of him thinking of me as more than just a friend. I've gone through all the memories, the good and bad, and. . . nothing. There's nothing to even suggest such a thing. Well, I guess from an outsiders perspective you'd think we could have been more than friends, but then again, that's just how we act around each other. We've always been close, comfortable with one another and not afraid to show it. So no, I would never have believed that those times when he held my hand under the table, squeezed my shoulder in a comforting way, or hugged me a few seconds too long, that he was actually feeling the exact same way that I was. I just...

I don't know. I don't know what I'm doing here.

I must be out of my mind. Yes. That's it. I'm going crazy. I've perhaps inhaled a little too much of the fumes in potions class and this will all turn out to have been in my head.

Yes. Let's go with that.

"'Ave anyone seen George today? He's been acting kind of weird the last few days."

I shake my head no, facing down to stab at my waffle with my fork and putting it in my mouth. Anything to keep from seeming suspicious or thinking about what's going on in my life right now.

"He broke up with Angelina", I blurt out, regretting the decision to let them know the second the words leave my mouth. I shouldn't have said anything, in fact, George should have been the one to tell them, and I just took that away from him.

Fuck. And as if he wasn't already pissed at me.

The boys all turn their heads towards me in sync, their mouths hanging agape.

"He—what?" Alfie asks, confusingly.

"He broke it off with her?" Fred continues.

"Mm", I murmur under my breath, wanting the earth to swallow me whole at this point.

Al though they all look more than confused about what I've just told them, all three of them seem awfully happy all the same. It's almost as if they all know the reason as to why George and Angelina broke up, believing that reason to be me. All three of them are grinning from ear to ear, not at all being discrete about it.

"And how are you feeling about it?" Alfie asks curiously.

I take a few seconds to answer, not really knowing what to say to that.

How am I feeling about it?

Am I happy? Sad? Angry?

Finally, I confess;

"Honestly?" I ask, and they all nod their heads in rely.

I let a deep sigh escape me.

"Confused."