𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

43. if i can't make you stay

I remember our last conversation, the very last time I saw him, as if it's carved into my brain.

"So that's it then? You're just giving up? You're just going to run away from this? From us?"

"George. I'm not—", I try to think of an answer that might make sense to him, that will convince him I'm somehow making the right choice for myself, but I can barely get the words to leave my tongue. "I love you with all that I have. All that I am. I just can't—", I sigh deeply, turning away from him. The expression across his face makes it's even more difficult to walk away, but I know I have to. I need to. Otherwise I might never be given the chance to heal properly. "Nothing about this is easy, but I can't continue to pretend as if I'm okay when I'm not. I can't keep blindsiding myself like this. I need closure. I need to let myself go, to give myself the space to heal, and I can't—I can't do that with you. I won't bring you down this path with me. It isn't fair."

George scoffs, kicking at the ground. "Fair? Nothing about this is fair, Mia. I lost my brother no less than 24 hours ago and now you're telling me I'm going to lose you too? I should've known you weren't going to stick to your word. I should've known you'd just run away."

"I'm so sorry", I say quietly, turning back around and stepping into the comfort of his arms. "I don't want to leave you. I never wanted any of this, but it's what's got to be. You know it is. I love you, George. I've never loved anyone as much as I love you and I never will, but this isn't good for either one of us. If I stay, I'll end up hurting you even more and I might not ever forgive myself if I do. This is me doing the right thing."

"No.", he retorts, stepping away from me. It breaks my heart to see him so defeated, but I know what I'm doing is saving both of us a lifetime of heartache. "This is you being a coward. This is you ruining everything good we've ever had over some kind of saviour complex. The end won't justify the means the way you think it will. You're making a mistake, and it's one you might not be able to come back from."

"Wh—what are you saying?"

"I'm saying, that if you leave, if you give up on us, don't bother coming back."

(...)

Leaving that day has got to be the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. It broke me in a million different places to abandon him, to abandon my family, but I couldn't see any other way that it could end between us. I needed to give myself the permission to be on my own for a while—to heal—before I could even think about making a life with someone else.

I never stopped loving him though. I never stopped loving any of them. The Weasley's were my family and will always be in my heart, but I wasn't ready to accept what had happened then. I couldn't accept the grief I knew I needed to experience if I was to ever return to them.

I might not ever be ready.

(...)

After having been laid off (I wasn't really fired but more so encouraged to do something else rather than to work on the book shop for the rest of my life) by Mr and Mrs Monroe, I decided to use the money I had saved up in the last few months to travel. I went to Spain, Italy, France. I even went as far as to visit Australia for a few weeks.

It was amazing. Getting to meet all kinds of nice people, trying food I've never tasted before and exploring corners of the earth I had never thought to travel before. 

It was almost too good to be true.

I should have known it would all come crashing down sooner or later.

(...)

The second the brown barn owl came flying in through the window of the place I was staying in in Greece, I knew something was wrong.

Mia,

something's happened.

It's George. He's sick.

I know you probably don't want to hear from us, anymore, but please.

He needs you. We all do.

Come home.

Love,

- Fred.