𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

47. the re-do

I can't even begin to imagine the pain I must have put George through. Leaving like that — after suffering such a devastating loss — I confess, wasn't my proudest moment.

Still, I didn't think I had much of a choice at the time. I was so in my head about everything; grief stricken and paralysed by fear that I only saw one way out, and that was running away. I believed that, in my staying, I would only put them all through more unnecessary pain. That somehow, witnessing my reaction to the loss of Alfie and the blame I'd put on my own shoulders, they would feel even more sorry for me, and I didn't want that. I didn't want them to pity me, I just wanted the hurt to go away. For the reminders of all that time I spent with Alfie and with the twins, when we were nothing but happy, innocent kids with our heads stuck in the cloud, for them to disappear. The pain was too great, and no matter how badly I wanted to stay—I couldn't.

I think that, despite what anyone else thinks, the time I spent away from here did me good. I still believe, even when I was hurting the most, that it was something I had to do. However much I suffered not being able to see any of my friends, it gave me the time and space to think about things. Really think about them. It allowed me to consider all that I went though, all that I felt and how I acted.

But most of all, it made me see clearly.

It made me realise that I can be content, if not happy, with the people I love most in this world, despite our shared grief. I don't have to do any of this alone anymore, and neither do them.

Neither does George.

"I'm going to make him fall in love with me all over again."

"You what?" Fred is quick to lift his head, confusion written all over his face. Ever since I got back home, he's been nothing but patient with me. To be honest, I thought he'd be angry with me, perhaps even furious, but instead he's listened. He holds me when I wake up crying in the dead of night, and he always answers when I call him on the phone, no matter what hour of the day it may be.

"I said, I'm going to make George fall in love with me again. I'll make him see that I'm worth giving a second chance. That I won't leave again, but instead talk to him whenever I'm feeling like I want to run away or hide."

He laughs and I snarl at the way he seems to not take my plan seriously.

"Why are you laughing?"

"I'm sorry—It's just—sometimes, Mia Rune, I swear you really are clueless."

I take offence by his comment, raising a critical brow "Excuse me? I'm not clueless."

"Yes, you are. You think that George hasn't been pining after you all the time you've been away? You think that he hasn't been complaining about how he's been aching to hold you one more time, or that he hasn't been crying out your name in his sleep? You think that just because you decided to take the easy way out and leave all of us behind, that he hasn't been absolutely lost without you? I've had to spend all this time watching my brother, my twin brother at that, turn himself inside out missing you, nearly killing himself in the process. I know you're smart and all that, but come on, you must know it's been hell without you? You can't be serious in believing he's not still head over heels madly in love with you? Surely, you can't be that stupid. Besides, if I've been going mad missing you, how do you imagine he's been feeling all this time?"

"Fred..."

"I understand your need to go away, and I get feeling like everything around you is caving in, but what you have to understand is that George might not be as forgiving. You're the person he imagined he'd one day marry, after all."