𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

42. what mia saw

The dream starts the same way, always. I'm scanning the deserted grounds of the Hogwarts courtyard, hoping to catch even the smallest of glimpse of something I might recognise. Something that hasn't been taken from me or fallen to ruin by the calamities of what occurred here tonight. I know I will in all likelihood find myself stumbling over more than a few dead bodies, but no matter how hard I try to convince myself I'm prepared for the utter horror I'm about to discover; I really can't.

The short moment I spent feeling relieved over our ultimate victory over Tom Riddle and his army is long since forgotten when I catch sight of the cold, ashen bodies covering the cold ground of the Great Hall. It sends the ghost of a shiver down my spine and yet I can't really bring myself to let the tears fall. Whether that has to do with the shock of it all or because I'm too preoccupied with sorting through my own thoughts, I don't know. I just know I'd rather be anywhere else in the world than here right now.

Death and destruction surrounds me.

I want to sink through the earth, to fall asleep to the sound of the breeze that haunts me as if it's mocking me and then never wake up again.

If I found the courage, I'd leave this place—leave Scotland—and never come back.

I know the second I spot those identical mops of red hair I've grown so fond of in the last almost decade that something is terribly wrong. The Weasley's are all hunched together, Arthur with an arm around Molly and Ginny comforted by the two eldest brothers. Ron's fallen to the ground, and I've never in my life seen the twins so quiet before.

It's all so quiet.

"Fred? George?" I finally manage to croak out beneath a breath as I start to slowly approach the group of gingers. "What are you—"

"It's my fault", the older twin whispers, so quiet I can barely hear. "It's all my fault. He—he pushed me out of the way. He saved me and now he's gone because of it."

It's not until I recognise the person lying completely still on the stone floor that I realise I've been holding my breath for the last minute or two. I've never hated myself more than what I do in this moment, and it's all because of a single second of outmost relief upon realising that it's not Alfie who's lying there, not breathing, heart not beating as it should.

No. It's Percy.

"I'm so sorry—", I sob, pressing my hand to my mouth to try and push the tears back, but all my attempts prove futile. "I'm so so sorry."

I look over at my boyfriend, but the second I meet his sad eyes I turn back around and start running. I don't really know why, I just know I have to get away. I can't stay here and watch as every person I ever cared about becomes a ghost of their former self the way I know I am too. It's too much, too fast.

If only that was the worst of it.

If only this was the cruelest hand God dealt me.

It's not until I fall to my knees by the Black Lake that I realise I'm shaking like a leaf. I can't for the life of me sort through my thoughts, and all I can really focus on is the panicked beating of my heart, my pulse ringing out in my ears. It's cold, so cold outside, but I can't be bothered to care about that now. I just want the wind to sweep me away, far away from here. I want to forget this night ever happened, but I can't.

No matter how badly I want to, I will never forget the piercing sound of my own wails, the way it felt to have my body go stiff from the pain  and grief of finding him. It zooms through my body, becomes a burning ache that incapacitates me and sets all of my cells on fire. It's painful—so fucking painful—and it's not even my own body that's been reduced to nothing but a heap of burning flesh.

At first when I see it, I think it must be an animal of some sort. Maybe a deer or at the very worst a diseased centaur.

It doesn't take long, however, before I realise that it's not in fact an animal nor is it a magical creature that's been killed, but it's something else entirely.

Something that, in the blink of an eye, changes my whole world for the worse.

Something that has me sobbing, wheezing, screaming out and scratching at my own throat to try and escape the confines of my own body.

It's him.

The sight is a gruesome one. He's covered in a thick red substance that I now know to be his blood, and he's lying face down against the gravel, one arm stretched out and the other tucked underneath himself. His hair is darker that normal and his clothes nothing but dirty rags against his grey skin. At first I imagine him to still be breathing, despite knowing full well he's probably been gone for awhile
now.

Gone.

I can't even bring myself to say it.

"You-you're okay. Everything's going to be okay", I stammer, once again. falling to my knees, only this time it's with my best friend's cold body slumped in my lap. "We did it, Alfie. We won. You can rest now."

He feels light in my arms. Too light. His skin is cold against mine and for a minute I let myself believe he's just that. Resting.

"You're okay. It's okay", I continue to whisper against his hair, praying to whomever may listen that this is all just a bad dream, and I'll wake up soon enough. "Sleep. I'll wake you when the sun's up."

I wake up on the floor, thrashing. I must have fallen out of bed sometime during the night and in the process I nearly tore a muscle in my shoulder. The pain hits me like a ton of bricks, and suddenly I'm more awake that I've been in a long long time.

For a moment I fool myself into believing I'm back in my bed in the girls dorm at Hogwarts and that the War hasn't happened yet, but then I recognise where I have actually woken up, and the ache in my heart returns tenfold.

"I'm so so sorry", I whisper into the dark of night.  "I should never have left you. It's my fault. It's all my fault", I cry.