𝐄𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 | g. w

59. her walls collapse

Mia was not in a good mood. In fact, she hadn't been able to stop thinking about her latest encounter with George; how he'd admitted to seeing the kiss with Dorian, the way his face was contorted into a pained expression as he spoke of his attempts to move on from her and how he was unable to due to his supposed undying love for her.

She remembered the look of utter desperation and fear in his eyes, pleading with her to stay. To talk to him.

What a load of—

Mia scoffed at herself, shaking her head in frustration. The whole thing just seemed completely pointless.

They had tried to make it work, but they always ended up hurting each other, so what was the point of even trying to begin with?

They had been going in circles for so long now, always ending up in the same place they started, and she was tired. Exhausted from the loss of energy in trying and falling to make a relationship work with him. Tired from all the emotions and thoughts running rampant in her head as she tried to process everything.

But she was also angry.

So. Fucking. Angry.

At him.

At the world.

But mostly— at herself.

She was weak. So incredibly weak in her decision to see things not as they were, but how she wished for them to be.

She hadn't been able to see any other way than to be with George and was completely blindsided by her love for him, wanting to live out the rest of her life alongside him. She had turned herself inside-out needing him. Wanting him. Loving him with every ounce of her being.

And yet, it didn't work. It never did.

So in an effort to salvage the last pieces of herself and trying to be happy in whatever capacity she could; she had to let him go. Let the idea of them go.

It wasn't easy. Hell, none of it was. She suffered through so many sleepless nights, so many panic attacks that made strangers turn their heads in the street, so many days when she just couldn't seem to get any sort of food down.

She was drowning, and the only person who could save her, was herself.

So she tried again, and again, and again, and soon enough, it became just a tiny bit more bearable to get out of bed in the morning. She got used to a routine that kept her closer to sanity than she had in a long while, and even though there was still a predominant gaping hole in her heart, it didn't feel quite as big as it used to.

She was learning to live with the pain.

So when George turned up at the book cafe, a beautiful blonde on his arm and a smile that did not quite reach his eyes, she panicked.

It somehow ruined all of the process she had made so far, leaving her a confused, pained and angry mess.

It made her furious, and when he returned within a few days, alone this time, she couldn't help but l fall apart at the seams. Especially when it felt like someone had already loosened the threads she'd tied to protect herself.

Mia's emotions were tumultuous, grappling with the remnants of her past relationship while attempting to rebuild her life. The sight of George with someone new reopened wounds she thought were healing, causing her carefully constructed resilience to crumble. It's clear she's navigating a complex journey of self-discovery and healing, striving to find her own path forward amidst the turbulent emotions tied to her past.

Her tumultuous emotional state was a reflection of the ongoing battle within herself. She'd been traversing a landscape littered with the shattered remains of a relationship that had once held such promise and affection. Her heartache was compounded by the unexpected sight of George with another woman. The sudden resurgence of jealousy, resentment, and a profound sense of loss made her feel as though the threads she'd carefully woven around her heart were unraveling, leaving her exposed and vulnerable once more.

It was a bitter concoction of emotions. Seeing George move on, seemingly finding happiness elsewhere, stirred a mixture of anger and hurt within her. She had thought she was progressing, painstakingly piecing herself back together after their breakup, yet this unexpected encounter shattered the fragile peace she had begun to build.

The raw intensity of her feelings reflected the depth of her attachment to George and the arduous struggle to disentangle herself from the emotional web that had bound them together for so long. Her attempts at moving forward, at finding solace in the fragments of her fractured life, seemed to crumble in the wake of his presence.

That subsequent encounter, when George appeared alone, stirred up a storm of conflicting emotions. It was as though the carefully erected walls she'd constructed to protect herself against the pain of their failed relationship came crashing down at the mere sight of him. Her world, already fragile, felt like it was collapsing, leaving her vulnerable and exposed to the agony of lost love once more.

In moments like these, thoughts of Alfie flooded her mind, and how she desperately wished for him to be there, holding her close whenever she fell apart, offering infinite support and words of encouragement in the midst of this battle she had going with her heart.

She imagined how he'd look at her, the way his eyes would see right through her, calm and comforting. How he'd often try and make her laugh in between bouts of pain, annoying her in the process.

She missed him. She wasn't even able to begin to describe just how deeply she felt the loss of him. Describing the magnitude of it had left her grappling with profound grief and solitude. While the book cafe and the people she encountered there offered solace, they couldn't replicate the way Alfie made her feel. He remained her best friend, and the void left by his passing seemed insurmountable.

Maybe that was another reason why it hurt so much when George distanced himself after that night. Alfie had left, and George had done the same. Despite his pleas for forgiveness and remorse, she felt their connection irreparably altered. She had entrusted him with her heart, especially when their feelings for each other surfaced and upon her return home.

Things would never be the same between them.