Love Letter

Lynne:

My mother and her husband Victor would be picking me up at the bus stop. I waited and watched as Ian got into a car with a beautiful blonde behind the steering wheel. Figures he would have a gorgeous girlfriend. Seeing this scene between him and Barbie should not have made me mad, but it did. It annoyed me, to. He really got under my skin when he clearly looked over at me and winked. What a pig.

Twenty minutes later, my mother's SUV pulls up to the curb. She is dressed in black dress pants and her flowing winter dress coat. My mother always had to impress people when she went out. I used to look at her as beautiful and elegant, but all I can think of is "dried up" when I see her today.

"Oh, honey, you look like you haven't eaten in a month," my mother says, taking in my frame. I had lost weight, almost two of me actually, since high school and knew I would be receiving comments from her. Instead of giving me compliments on how healthy I look, she sounds like I have an eating disorder. My mother, the optimistic... 

"Thanks," I say, letting her know I took it as a compliment. Why should I care what my absent mother thinks? Although her comments pull at me from all sides, they always do. My mood did not change, especially since we needed to stop at the store in town so my mom could pick up a few things, probably wine. All I wanted to do right now was to go home and sleep. You could say I didn't sleep so well the night before, knowing what awaited me ahead. Tossing and turning, wondering what I had in store for me. 

My mom briskly walked into the local market a few minutes from the house while Victor and I sat out in the car. "So, how does it feel to know you are done with college?" Victor asks me, trying to fill the silence.

"Relief," I say, not knowing what else to say to this.

"How long will you be staying for?" He asks. I knew Kelly was not a big fan of him and assumed she had not told him I would be home until New Year. I had nothing against Victor. He made my mother happy, and I knew my dad would not want my mother to stay single for the rest of her life. I think that is why Kelly had a problem with him; she felt like mom was cheating on dad. But Victor was the one who was there for me right before college. He would always have a special place in my heart. I know my mother did not send him to New York to help me, which meant that he came of his own free will in the summer because he cared about me. I had wanted to ask him if my mother even knew he was there with me or if she thought he was on a different trip.

"Till January," I say, letting him know, and I can tell he is happy with this response.

"That is wonderful! Your mother has really missed you," Victor says with his Italian accent and then follows it by turning the radio up some more so the silence is not so awkward. I think I like Victor just because he knew it was okay not to talk, and sometimes silence was better.

My mother, on the other hand, who came out a few minutes later carrying a few bottles of wine, did not believe that silence was the better route. The whole way to the house, she kept asking me different questions and giving her "hmmm... I See," letting me know that she disapproved.

My mother was an open book and had quirks when she was not impressed with something. If you looked close enough, you could see her right eyebrow tweaking ever so slightly when she did not agree with something. My dad had taught this to me after one of my many punishments from her that I never understood. "Just watch her right eyebrow if it tweaks, even slightly get out of the room," he would joke with me.

It was sad to believe, but he was right.

I followed that rule up to the day I left.   

Pulling up to the house, I see the twins' jeeps out front; I realized a movie night with the twins was just what I needed. I know I wanted to sleep, but who could resist a movie marathon with my two favorite guys. Victor helped me get my bags from the trunk, making our way up to the front door. "Did you pack enough?" my mother puffs, grabbing my small carry-on size bag that was full of some of my favorite books. "When will you ever break down and buy an e-reader?" I knew that it would help with not carrying so many books around, but I liked feeling the pages in my hands.

"Not now, Meredith," Victor says, pulling his keys out to unlock the front door even though it had a keypad to push the code in to unlock it.

I was the first to step in when the lights popped on... all I could hear is "Surprise".

All I can think is shit...

I should have known something was off when we pulled up, and all the lights were off. I see masses of people standing in the living room throughout the house, spreading out into our dining room and the people flowing out of our kitchen. Kelly, the one who probably threw this together, is upfront with a smile searching my face.

She pulled me in a hug whispering "congrats" since I finished college. I really should have known Kelly could not go without throwing me a party for graduating. She always felt like she had to step in for mom and make up for her lack of parenting. I always wanted to shout at her and tell her that I didn't need her... But if I didn't have her, who would care for me? That is what I always thought. Fred and Zach are standing behind her, and they take turns sweeping me up in a big bear hug.

Zach puts me down and starts chanting "Lynne, Lynne, Lynne" while he gets the other houseguests to join in. I look to my mother standing behind me, who looks embarrassed over this chant since I knew she did not think it was proper. I will never know how she stayed in Light Falls since she felt she was better than every last one of them. My face must look crimson since I am not a fan of all the attention. Keith is there with his two sons, and I take them in, hugging them, glad to be near the ground where fewer people can see my face.

"Hi guys, remember me?" I ask.

His oldest son Joseph shakes his head yes, while his younger boy Zeke says no. I forgot how cute his sons were and made a mental note to make sure I got each of them a Christmas present. I wait down below with my two nephews until the chanting of my name has ceased.

"Where is Lisa?" I ask Keith after giving him a hug.

"She is getting here later," he responds, being pushed by some people behind him.

So many people that I could have gone without ever seeing again flock up to me, letting me know how nice it was to see me, along with the many congratulations for graduating college. Not all of them were hard to handle putting a fake smile on. I was happy to see Mrs. Smith, my favorite teacher from high school, there. She was no longer teaching high school but was now at the elementary and retiring in a few years. "It's good to see you," I say after giving her a hug.