Love Letter

Ian:

When I said I helped publish Cannon River's novels, I did not think. Lynne and her whole face brightened when I said I had worked with him. It was as if I had told her I had met her favorite actor or actress. She idolized Cannon River. I do not understand how she can worship me since every time I asked her about my novels, she did not praise them. She insulted them more than anything. I should have shoved my foot in my mouth right then and there. I had not straight out lied to her until today. But my name in itself is a lie. But now, I had willing and outright lied to her. I mean, I did help on the books, but I was no publisher; I was a writer. The grammar errors that were always in my first rough draft would send an editor screaming. I was paid to be creative not to worry about all the rules out there. My stomach was twisting; today was the first time I had ever felt like telling the truth and saying I was Cannon River, the egomaniac author. My mother always said to me if I hid from myself too long, it would haunt me someday. With how Lynne looked when she asked questions about him, Cannon River – I felt like I was a person who would be tossed out the window. She would never see Ian, the guy who took her on her first date on Christmas Eve; she would see the River Cannon, who was on the New York bestseller list seven times in a row. That scared me. I wanted her to see me, the flawed Ian and all.

I was grateful to Victor for the change of conversation that he had started with Ricardo on some business plans they were looking at in London. Even though they were outright talking about business, I still could not grasp what they really did. From time to time, they would start to talk in Italian. From Meredith's glares at Ricardo and Victor, I sensed that she was not happy about the suitor her daughter had brought home for Christmas. I would think Meredith would not stand for it and allow them to stay in her house. She remained silent all throughout the meal. Francine had walked out, clearing the empty wine bottles around the table and bringing out the bottle I had brought.

Meredith, spying it, takes the open bottle from her and fills her cup up to the brim. "Ian brought it," Francine says, walking back into the kitchen making eye contact with me as she went with a smile on her face.

"This is a wonderful wine," Meredith says, talking for the first time and taking another swig. She was more of an open book than I felt I was. With the awkward tension still there from the end of the table, the conversation moved smoothly, even with Meredith's heavy sighs letting people know she was not entertained. The fourth sigh she let out while Ricardo and Victor talked was when Kelly started filling her wine glass. Once again, Lynne and Kelly make brief eye contact like they were in on something together.

"Okay, Secret Santa time," Kelly says after appraising everyone's plates and deciding we are all done. She ushers us into the living room like we are cattle. I had not noticed the gifts under the tree this morning, but there are a dozen or so sitting there wrapped. They must have set this up before everyone came home, and I smile that at least gifts were something they still did.

"I'll go," Keith says, grabbing a gift under the tree and handing it to his mom.

Looking at the shape of the box, it was easy to guess that she would be unwrapping wine. She looks at the wine after unwrapping it and looks at Keith. "How thoughtful," she says, thank you. She grabs her gift, which is easy to tell that it is a gift card, and hands it to Lisa. Any smile on Meredith's face is now gone when she gives the gift card to Lisa. Lisa is not fazed by her reaction toward her at all. Practice makes perfect, I think. The passing back and forth continues until Fred or Zach gives Lynne a box.

"Thanks, Zach," Lynne says, taking the box from him. She opens it to find a smaller box inside. She unwraps the box and pulls out a key. Looking confused, she looks up at Zach for an explanation.

"Okay. Okay, this is an unusual gift," Zach says. "But Fred and I are moving to New York City, and we want you to be our roommate." He says.

I can see Lynne taken aback, and I cannot read if she is happy about this or reluctant and does not want to hurt her brother's feelings.

Meredith is the first to talk, even with all the wine she has consumed. "What is this nonsense!" she demands.

The twins look at each other before Fred talks as if their mother has not just yelled. "We are moving in at the first year of the year we were offered a news sporting spot on channel KYM," he says.

Victor puts his hand around Meredith's knee to calm her down. Lynne finally speaks, "I would love that" she pauses, looking nervous, she finally asks, "where is the apartment located?"

"The Bronx," Fred says.

"Manhattan," Zach says proudly and shoots Fred a look. She gives each of her brothers a hug and then receives her gift from under the tree to give to Keith. It is smaller too, and I assume it is a gift card as well.

"I didn't know what to give you," she says, handing it to Keith, and I can tell she is embarrassed.

"Wow," he says, looking at a gift certificate. "You cheated and went over the limit," he says, smiling at her. She had got Keith and his wife a couples massage, and then a note was added (Free babysitting by Lynne – must use before the 1st of January.)

"Suck up," Lisa coughs out. Different gifts are handed out to Keith's two boys by Lynne, her sister, and mom. The twins look ashamed that they have not got anything for the two little ones. The last gift given is from Ricardo. I was distracted by watching the boys play with fire trucks and other gifts when I caught out of the corner of my eyes Ricardo getting down on one knee next to Lisa.

"Oh no," Lynne whispers next to me, her eyes watching the scene unfold in front of us. Her hand, which wrapped around mine, tightens and feels like a vise grip is holding onto it.

"Lisa Meredith Bettendorf, will you do me the honor of being my wife" even though there was a proposal going on, the thing that stuck in my mind was that Lynne's last name was Bettendorf; the other was that I had no clue what her middle name was. The last thing I thought was how bad I wanted to know what her middle name was. Before Lisa can respond, Meredith acts quicker by standing up and storming out of the room, cursing as she walks out through the kitchen.

I take in the scene as best as I can – Lisa has tears in the corner of her eyes and looks like a woman who wants to say yes. Kelly is shooting venomous glares at Ricardo. Then the twins look like they could care less of the spectacle going on in front of them. Keith's family is next to the twins. The boys' mom is trying to do earmuffs over her sons' ear due to the profanities Meredith was spouting out while walking out of the room. Lynne holds very little emotion on her face. And Victor is left standing in the room waiting to see what happens.

Lynne excuses herself and walks off toward where her mother had left toward. With the journal revealing how unloving Meredith had been toward Lynne, I was shocked to see Lynne going to comfort her mother. Or maybe she was going to yell at her mother for making such a scene. Meredith was the main reason Lynne fled to New York for college after high school. I still had not finished her journal since my time lately was preoccupied with Lynne. I wanted to spend every second I could with her before she went back to New York. Spending time with her was not about the novel. I am almost tempted to delete it all. Getting through to the end of Lynne's senior year, it is tough to look at Meredith without making comments on what a horrible mother she has been. I wanted to tell her that she had broken her family even more instead of helping her own flesh and blood to mend. It was astounding that her kids even showed up. I would never have brought a bottle of wine over today except for a note Lynne had made in the journal it said, "A lot of wine makes a happy mother." I thought, what could it hurt? It did not seem to be helping today.

Lisa says "Yes" finally after the room is entirely silent.