IAN's POV
It would been great to feel this air without thinking anything but my own freedom.
"Seems like you wanna comeback, don't you?"
Isang matamis na ngiti ang bumungad sa akin.
I didn't dare to close my eyes.
"Sorry sa abala." Sabi ko.
"No, really. Ako nga ang nakaabala, I'm sorry." Ngumisi siya.
Tumango ako at pagod na ngumiti kay Dale. But he has nothing to do with it. Ako nga ang kusang nagpunta dito.
We're here in Italy. It's my first time stepping in this lovely country. But the only thing that is on my mind right now is Mark's face when I go home.
Sigurado akong hindi siya papayag na umalis ako. At baka magalit lalo iyon kapag nalamang kasama ko si Dale ngayon. Na kami lang dalawa. Na umalis ako kasama siya ng hindi nagpapaalam.
When I heard her mother say that he named the property on me, I got mad. That just means that he only did this to make me come home. Ang laking abala sa akin. Gumulo lalo ang utak ko.
That was a selfish move, Mark. I badly want to be with you too. I hoped you felt it when I gave myself to you again. But nothing's working right now. I'm so fucked up. I'm so drain after what happened. I realized that we're not really good to each other. That we're going to hurt each other more in the future. I can't fit in your world and it keeps me awake every night.
"I'm sure you're thinking that it would be great to be with him at this moment."
May sumaksak sa puso ko.
Nilingon ko siya na nakangiti at nakatitig sa langit.
"Dale, it's not like that..."
He chuckled. "Hm, it's okay. Understandable."
Iniisip niya sigurong masyado akong lulong kay Mark. Na kahit malayo ako at sinusubukang makalimot, si Mark pa rin ang nasa isip ko. I refuse to believe that he's right. Damn it.
"I'm here for my father. And I'm thankful for you."
"Sebastian's son. That was the first thing that came to my mind when I met you," tumawa siya. "And Mister has no family. You look like damn twins."
Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa kulay kahel ng langit. Ang hindi pamilyar na simoy ng hangin ay tila simbolo ng bagong simula. Hindi ko akalain na sa kabila ng pagkabighani ko sa mga puno at dagat na kinalakihan ko, may mas ilalala pa iyon dahil nalaman kong may pwede akong uwian sa kabilang panig ng mundo. Gusto kong umiyak.
Why do I have to experience that life at all? And being strong is not an advantage. I'm like a fuse bomb. It's all trap and no one told me that being smart could lead to self-destruction.
"Severity is to leniency as cruelty is to softness... Have you heard it?"
Umiling ako.
"Abandoning can have a deep reason. Maybe he was scared that time or he's not aware. I'm sorry that you have to experience that life. Past should be forgiven, yes. But I am not going to be compassionate to tell you to go home... and try to fix what happened when you have a chance to live a better life here." He said that deeper than I expected.
But I still have the reason to go home... Mark's waiting for me.
A smile plastered on my face when I saw a man beside him. Surely, we're look alike.
"Ian, I'll see you later. I'm gonna walk for awhile..." And then he left us.
Comfortable because of the seaside, I close my eyes.
"I'm glad that you've reach out... Sebastian." Bigkas ko.
"I'm sorry," he says "It's... nice to meet you. I... am glad that you're here."
"My mother named me after you." I felt the cold breeze in my face.
The classic mediterranean landscape is like an hour glass, like a cruel time that passes by as it was so easy to just let it all go. The coastline is telling me to stay but my heart says no. It feels sensually breathtaking to sit in Amalfi Coast. The vibrant water was enchanting but not enough reason to hold on. It's a destination, but not mine. Once again, I felt that I don't belong here.
Their community cluster along cliffs while a grew up surrounded by trees. Their terraces blending into the rock is new that it feels drowning to look at that picturesque. The coast was sumptuous. Too much for me.
"I thank her for that. Felicima was a great person."
"Then why'd you left her?" My voice softly crack.
I look at him as if staring in my own reflections.
"I didn't know that I had a child. Son, I am sorry. I was a tourist and I didn't blame the alcohol when something happened to us. I needed to go back here and continue my studies as well..."
And you're now a Pilot.
"If only I know, I'd be responsible to you."
How I wish.
And this is how I met you, huh? Damn it. I have a father. And I forgave him at first sight. This crap is insanely good plot.
Your offer was great. But I choose myself. After all this time, I still choose myself.
"You have me. Please always remember that. And... call me. I'll visit you whenever I can."
Sebastian is our name. We didn't know that we could spend our time together close to our hearts. We're family. No one exists to my memory but a year with you was out of this world.
"That's a lovely story to tell. But I refuse to believe that you left him again. You're a damn sadist!"
Ngumuso na lang ako at ngumiti sa kanila.
"Kalma mo lang beh, baka tumalon 'yan bigla sa dagat." Humalakhak si Ren.
We're drinking in a Cabin. A break after half a year of work.
I decided not to come back. I found myself happy after spending time with my father in Italy. But then, I have to continue and find my destination.
His offer was for me to be a cabin crew but I refused. Sure air travel is great. But I am closer to the sea. Water is calming. People in the deck are one heck view. I find cruise attractive because we take time to our travel. Even though I work non-stop. There's still time for me to appreciate how this ship sail.
Sa totoo nga lang, ngayon lang namin ulit 'to napag-usapan.
"Hayaan niyo na nga! Saka, edi mas lalo 'yun galit. Edi wala nang rason para magkita ulit kami." Tumawa ako.
"Still, it's not right that you left him AGAIN. Mamaya, baka hindi lang lupa ang bilhin non. Malay mo pati 'tong barko!"
"Kalokohan mo Ren!" Humalakhak ako.
He's our friend. Actually, nauna siya sumampa three years ago. And I worked with him in the beverage area. He's a food and beverage assistant that time. Now, he's the manager. Pretty smart too. Kaso weakness ang mga toxic na lalaki. Natawa ako sa sariling kalokohan.
"Pucha! Kapag ikaw talaga binalikan niyan, baka parusahan ka ulit." Humalakhak silang tatlo at nadala rin ako dahil kay Ren.
That's a load of crap! Of course, he's the only one that has rights to punish me like that.
When I came back here, my heart is so happy. But being here for a long time, I'm not sure. I tried my best to find myself. No plans of going back as of two years. And I'm trying to move on now. It's embarassing to even go back when I lied to him. I don't want to face him anymore.
Some things are just so hard to do. I know I'm good at everything, even running away. But not this one.
I can remember very clear. I've read hundreds of books but my brain storage has the capacity to carry extra memories. It's already in my core. I guess it's hard to forget the past.
BINABASA MO ANG
Pagsamo | 𝘔𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘤𝘬
Fanfiction"Hindi ako susubok kung hindi ikaw..." √ Finished - February 21, 2022 √ Written in English and Tagalog √ Edited Version • • • NOTE: The book is purely created in the author's mind. Some places in the book were real but most of it is not. This is not...
