implausible - woosan

chapter thirty six

and you know damn well
for you i would ruin myself
a million little times

san wooyoung

03.09.17

wooyoung is confused.

not the kind of confused when you can weigh out the pros and cons of a situation and are still unable to figure it out, or the kind of confused you are when there's a maths problem you know is simple but you can't remember the right method to solve it for the life of you—

he's the kind of confused when you are forced to question everything you have ever been told. to question the very fabric of the universe, the laws it abides by. because a soulmate is the person you're meant to be with. your literal other half. and wooyoung is confused, because he doesn't feel that way.

never has he felt a pain like knowing san is hurting, hurting enough to have a panic attack and yell at him to leave. being told he can't help, to fuck off, as san put it - that is pain. a slice in his heart that's been stinging for the two days since it happened.

he needs to be there for san, it's as simple as that, because he had told him he would be. and wooyoung's not a liar. he never has been, but he'll be one for san if he has to. for him, anything.

even if it means going against hongjoong's direct wishes to stay away from him and cease their friendship, wooyoung will do it. he had been an idiot, to listen, and to let san be alone. leaving him is not something he's strong enough or brave enough to do.

these are the thoughts that plague him, when he's talking to hongjoong about the school dance, simultaneously fretting about san. he just needs to know if he's okay.

"a highschool dance?" hongjoong is saying dubiously, over the phone. "that sounds lame, youngie."

wooyoung swallows, disappointment sinking in his chest, quelling his initial excitement. "i guess," he replies, feeling stupid for rambling about it.

"those things are boring." his boyfriend continues, scoffing. "i've been to enough in my lifetime."

oh. "so you won't go with me?" wooyoung asks, voice hitching.

a harsh laugh sounds at his ear through the phone, and wooyoung bites his lip. "no. why don't we do something together instead? anything would be more fun than that."

he hesitates, feeling hollow. "i kind of want to go."

"just say you don't fucking want to spend time with me, wooyoung." hongjoong snaps, and he can't help but flinch.

"i asked you to come with me-" he tries, gnawing his lip harder.

"and i said i don't want to. why can't you just do something i want, for once? is that so hard? you're so selfish."

he takes a breath. "there'll be an after party. you could come to that, with me? it'll be... less lame."

"whatever." the line clicks as hongjoong hangs up.

for a few moments, wooyoung doesn't move, just sits there, hovering the phone in his hand. he's slightly dumbfounded, unsure of what he's done to anger the other. probably something. he's just a stupid kid, after all, looking forward to his lame highschool dance.