implausible - woosan

chapter forty seven

i wanna be defined
by the things that i love
not the things that i hate
not the things that i'm afraid of
not the things that haunt me

san wooyoung

26.09.17

san's love is a force of nature, when he really lets himself feel it. it consumes him, enveloping every aspect of self he has, ultimately defining him. it's written all over his face, his being covered in wooyoung.

a tattoo would be an inaccurate description, because even that, you can get rid of. wooyoung is branded, emblazoned into his very soul, part of him. which is why he doesn't think he'll ever uncover the name on his forearm, because he's pretty sure it isn't him. that anxiety is too much, and san would rather live in this redefinition of love wooyoung has given him.

waking up with him is a feeling san is quite accustomed to, but not one he'll soon grow tired of. every opening of his eyes to wooyoung dozing in front of him is like the first time, a new experience that deserves its own song in the album of san's life.

by the controlled steadiness of his breaths, san finds wooyoung to be still asleep. his eyes dart restlessly beneath his eyelids, causing them to flutter.

this close, san can see how much his dark roots are growing out, the blonde less bright. it's a mark of time, one that makes san think reflectively.

forgive me for what i'm about to do. he thinks, kissing wooyoung's forehead gently. "forgive me, princess." san's voice comes soft and level, slightly husky, thick with sleep.

but he's made up his mind. better plead forgiveness than ask permission.

memories of their conversation last night are too fresh, too raw, for san to do nothing about what he's learnt.

he remembers wooyoung opening his eyes, head tilting in san's direction sometime when they woke in the night. "this is it, huh?" he had said after a moment, ever so quietly. "no more pretending."

"we don't have to talk about it immediately," san hurries to assure him, sitting up a bit.

"don't we?" he replies hollowly, expression unchanging. san's heart seizes, cracking a little.

"whatever you want." he hesitates to reach for him, brushing some hair from his face gently.

at that, wooyoung crumples into his touch, shoulders sagging. he snuggles up closer to san, hiding his tears in san's chest.

"sorry," he mumbles, sniffing.

shaking his head instinctively, san draws his arms around him, shuffling their position. "shut up. don't you dare apologize."

that gets a weak laugh out of wooyoung, as he automatically apologizes.

"so do you want to tell me why you called me, last night?" he encourages, causing the warmth of wooyoung's body against him to shift a bit.

wooyoung hums, struggling to find the words. it takes a few minutes, more muttered apologies, but san waits. isn't prepared for the dry laugh he utters, and what follows.