Tell Me A Secret || Alec Lightwood

Chapter IX

Heart's beating fast, palms are sweaty, head's dizzy. You're sitting on the couch in the middle of the quiet office of the Lightwoods.

Feeling very anxious, you're concentrating on your breathing. You really want to show Maryse that you've become stronger yet you're afraid you'll lash out the moment she will talk.

To be completely fair, you've never thought this day would come. You didn't even know Maryse was the mother of Izzy and Alec in the first place.

Nightmares. The only place you saw her. Now the day has finally come where you can confront her.

Maybe, just maybe, you will get the answers you seek.

There's not much time to overthink because Maryse enters the office all of a sudden.

She sees you sitting on the couch and immediately swallows deeply. "Amelia.. What are you doing here?" Her voice breaks in the middle of her sentence, which gives you the sign that she's very nervous just like you.

"You wanted to talk. So let's talk."

Her eyes widen and she adjusts her dress even though it's in perfect place. "Amelia... I understand how you feel but-"

Before being able to hold yourself back, you stand up from the couch, interrupting her sentence. "You have no idea how I feel."

Maryse takes a quick step back and then decides to sit down behind the desk. "I-I do not know indeed."

Tilling your head lightly, you sense another emotion from her. "You are afraid of me?"

You have no idea if you meant that as a question or statement.

She just stares at you, lightly shaking her head.

"Was that how you felt when I was just 6 years old? Were you afraid too? So afraid you would leave an innocent child alone?"

"I was afraid from Valentine. We all were. I'm so sorry Amelia but I had no choice."

You step closer, making her even more nervous. "You always have a choice Maryse. You choose to leave a child behind when you were about to leave. Do you even know what he did to me?"

She shakes her head lightly, eyes watering.

"You have no idea! You-" You interrupt yourself taking two breaths in at once, feeling the anger raising too high. With your back towards Maryse, you take a deep breath.

"He tortured me every day. Experimented day and night. But you know what was worse?" You turn back around to meet her sad eyes. "He made me tortured other creatures. A six years old, torturing, murdering others. I had no choice, I didn't know different yet I felt it was wrong. So wrong."

"Amelia.."

"And when the day finally came, when I heard you talking to your husband, how you wanted to leave, I really thought the agony was finally over. And what did I ask you Maryse?"

She doesn't response for a moment, afraid to say the words.

"Tell me."

"You begged me to take you with me."

"Tell me how I looked."

"You had a collar around your neck. The blood was dripping from underneath. Your eyes were the same colour of the blood on your body." she choked out with teary eyes.

"But what did you do?"

Silence.. After a few secnds she answers with a deep breath. "I said that this is where you belonged."

There's no talking, just staring into each other eyes. The tension in filled with pain, anger and sadness.

"And because you left me there, I had to endure years of torture. Years Maryse. Is that what I deserved? Did I deserve all that pain?"

All of a sudden Maryse stands up. "There hasn't been a day that I haven't thought about this. How I regretted to leave you behind. How much pain I've costed you. I'm sorry Amelia. I am so sorry." With a hand on her heart, she pleads for forgiveness.

You only shake your head by her words. "You know the best part? I always thought it was my own fault. How it was normal that you were disgusted of me. I was and still am a monster after all, right?"

Silence again.

"You were afraid of me. Couldn't bear the thought of saving a monster that was created by Valentine. Just admit it. It's the least you can do for me."

At this point you're trembling with adrenaline. Controlling your breathing becomes more and more difficult. And you're pretty sure your red eyes are clearly visible.

"I was afraid.. I was selfish and put my own sake first. I cannot tell you how much I regretted that."

"Regret comes after the actions Maryse. I lost 7 years of my life. Valentine made it possible for me to stop growing, mentally and physically. I was an innocent sweet child who could break your neck without touching it. I was the perfect weapon for him."

Her eyes are full of hurt, regretting every words she said to you when you were an innocent 6 year old child.

You were on your breaking point but said the words you always wanted to say to her.

"The only thing I wished for at that moment was a mother that cared for me.."

With a heavy heart, you leave the office.

Was it a relief? You do not know. Your emotions are currently battling or having a blackout.

After closing the door you meet the eyes of the one and only Alec Lightwood.

He's leaning against the wall just besides the door so definitely heard everything. His whole body is tense.

"You heard.." You breath out in shock, feeling your heart sink.

He takes a stand right in front of you. You cannot see any emotion on his face.

"Is it true?"

"Which part?" You whisper in fear.

He doesn't know what to answer to that. There was so much information he heard that he wishes to unhear. Things he cannot even imagine being true. About his parents but also about you.

Opening the door to the office again, you take a step back for him to enter. "You deserve answers from you mother, Alec. Go take them." You don't dare to meet his eyes again.

He storms into the office, your heart beating like crazy while you walk away. Feeling even worse than before.