Hope And Faith

Clearing

A sense of panic was carved deep inside him. He couldn't speak to her not even address her. The thought of something happening to her was paralyzing. She had barged into his life, not minding the walls he had built. His plan upon returning was to support Naruto first and try to live a normal life upon his brother's wish. He wasn't planning to be close to someone. Naruto, Kakashi and Sakura were enough. They would be his link to a closest a normal life for him could be. He would have been an observant to the life in the village, participating in the necessary amount to learn what he lost in his years of vengeance. And that would be enough for Naruto to be happy and for him to be able to face Itachi when his time came. He knew what all the others though of him and he didn't blame them. He was a coward, taking the easy way to achieve his goals. The others stayed and fought their way through. They stick with their comrades, feeling their losses and moving forward. He knew what to expect when he would return and deep inside him he felt he deserved it. But she surpised him on their very first encounter. This girl that he had the least interactions before, welcomed him like an old friend. She went out of her way to make things easier for him in any way that she could. With nothing in return. Just him being well was her reward. He tried to fight his pleasure at her company. The happiness he felt when she was around. The itching feeling when the minutes on the clock seemed stuck when he was supposed to meet her. The loss when her eyes met his. He tried to reasoned the change.She was challenging. She intrigued him in a way noone had. He couldn't anticipate her moves. Everything she did was refreshing. When he taught he had figured her out she did someone new. Before he knew she was all that he was thinking. She was everywhere in his life without trying to push her way in. He had welcomed her without realising it.
Now all he could think of what will he do if she is hurt. He couldn't function properly. He imagined losing her like he lost his brother. The pain would be unbearable. He had to distance himself. Maybe leave again for some time to clear his mind. To stop seeing her so he can forget the feeling she wakes at him.
He became detached and she seemed to accept it. Maybe that was enough. But when she came to him in the night he forgot about his decision. All his thoughts were about how she breathed, how her hand had reached for his chest, how he wanted to hug her and stay like this. The second night he was prepared to turn her away. Instead he brushed her hair while she slept. The torment he felt made him lush out to her. It was the only way he knew to communicate when he felt trapped. He hoped he would scare her away. But he already knew that wouldn't do. He blurred his thoughts out, in a desperate attempt to calm down. He failed. The feel on her hand in his had an effect he didn't like so he tried to break from it. She grabbed tighter. Like always. His name spoken by her soft voice was close to make him give up.
He looked at her desperate. Pleading her to leave him alone.
Then he was lost. How many times he had sealed the thought of her lips in his. She kissed him with longing, like lovers that were apart for years only to meet up again. He didn't know when he put his hand around her waist. He couldn't remember placing his other palm above hers. When he pulled her body to his, to feel her warmth. She drove him in a place unknown, he had never entered before. In a place he didn't deserve or dare himself to touch.
He opened his eyes pushing her away.
"No".
She was confused.
"I'm sorry... I thought..."
"Just.. Don't." He couldn't face her. He imagined how sad she would look.
"I'm sorry. I thought...since you said the other time..."
"It's not like before."
"I see. I'm sorry I distarbed you."
She started setting up the fire in an attempt to keep herself busy.
He walked to their bags to bring the last of their food.
"Can we still be friends?"
He tossed their bags back to the ground.
"No."
The forest felt darker around them.
_______

The rest of the trip was bad but thankfully short. They parted their ways at the gate. Hinata had to report back to her clan about the events that happened so Sasuke would inform Kakashi of their side mission.
She tried to say something before he left but she remained silent. He was the first to depart leaving her behind.
Kakashi was pleased with how smoothly things went and he didn't bother him more than usual. He just wanted to go home and hide. He had some decisions to make.