Confident

Please just hold me

For days I sat in that concrete box. My hands and feet cuffed together as a bag was placed over my head. My entire body was cramped inside the box, and my fear was only getting worse. I had already had several panic attacks, especially because I could feel myself in the tiny box, but I couldn't see the tiny box.

I tried taking deep inhales through my nose to help me calm down, but when that didn't work, I went to other ideas. I tried counting backwards from 100, but that didn't work either. I tried counting sheep.

Nothing.

And then James' smiling face came into my mind. From when we went to Mexico. Rolling around in the sand, sex in the ocean. Dinner in paradise. Cuddling late at night while listening to the waves.

It made me smile, making me forget about my shivering body in a cramped, cold box.

"I know you can't hear me right now James," I whispered, "but I need to say this... I screwed up. I screwed up real bad. I shouldn't have ever left you. I should've talked to you, I should've made a plan with you. I- I should've opened up. And I didn't. And I'm so sorry. All I wanted to do was protect you, and I can't even do that. Why would you even want to be with me if I make decisions like this James? I love you."

And I closed my eyes, falling asleep, letting the peaceful dreams of James and I's memories keep me calm as I slept soundly for however long I was out. I may have even died for a split second but hey, it felt nice.

Nat came to visit me whenever my mother was out of the house. The first time she came to visit, it went like this:

I heard the door open to my chamber, and the quiet footsteps scurrying across the hall, my eyes finally being able to see the sliver of light as my door opened. But instead of being taken to a new torture chamber, there was Nat's regretful face.

"I'm so sorry Jessie," she whispered, helping me out, "I was able to persuade your mom to let you out for a few hours of every day. But that's the best I could do." And I stayed silent. "I know I haven't been the best, but I really regret this, and I hope I can make it back up to you. I hate being on the bad side."

"You should've thought about the consequences before you decided to go through with it," I spat, and she nodded her head in agreeance.

"I know. And I agree," she sighed, "why do you think I tried to get you out of that box? It's not like I want to see you hurt."

"Then why the fuck did you team with my bitch mother?" I asked, glaring up at her as I stood to my feet.

"Because I was being naive. she was making deals that I thought would be amazing at that time," she paused, "but I was dead wrong."

"Yeah, and now I'm stuck here because of YOU," I said as my voice broke, "and I'm heartbroken because of YOU."

"I'm sorry Jessie," she whispered but I cut her off.

"You can't call me that anymore," I spat, "because you broke my trust. I trusted you Natasha. I trusted you to be my best friend. I let Rice be ALONE with you. Do you know how hard it was for me not to be with him? You do. Because I told you."

"I know-"

"NO! YOU DONT! BECAUSE IF YOU DID YOUD NOT MAKE STUPID DECISIONS LIKE THIS SHIT!" I screamed, and she flinched, taking a step back as I threw my fist into the nearest wall. I think I broke it.

Fuck.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm so sorry." And she ran out.

- present day -

Other times she would bring me my food just to slip tiny notes to me, or tell me the news going on in the world around me. Let me know the plans my mother has for the future.

She would even come visit me when nobody was around, and bring me QUALITY food rather than the shit my mother wanted to feed me that tasted like plastic. But that's just cause her cooking sucks so I know she's making it herself.

Soon enough, they trusted me enough to take me out of the box full time and chain me to the wall. Mostly because I knew not to run, as they would find me immediately, and I would be back at square one. I needed a little more time.

The beatings were every day, which was one of the cons about this mission. Because I never had closed wounds. The open wounds never healed from being split open each and every day.

My eyes could barely stay open most of the time, and my body was weak. But I knew if I were ever given the chance, it could most definitely run a few miles hands down.

I mean come on, I was trained for this!

My father would beat me until I could barely walk, and then drop me on the side of the road and make me walk home to prepare me for if it ever happened I. The future.

I'm not worried.

Especially because I am Jessica fucking Banks and I'm a badass. I have to remind myself that I am not a fucking poppy princess that likes to be saved by a prince. I can fucking save myself.

And I waited for weeks. WEEKS. Until that day came.

And I don't know if I was mentally prepared for it.